Category: Brain

I am HOME! With all your prayers, God’s good hand, and a (partially) functioning brain later, We
made it. I have a whole lot less hair, a few more scars, and my babies and husband are within arms reach. I made it out protected and on my knees with gratitude for you all. Thank you all for praying without ceasing. Do you know how I know your many prayers went up?  Every so often I am struck with {literally} unbearable pain. It might last one minute, it might last a couple hours, at anytime in between meds….and I feel it. I feel the dark deep. It hurts, and I can’t physically carry the burden, the raging pain. Jesus is quick to remind me He is here, His yoke is light. And I am able to feel and see what truly resting it all on Him is. It doesn’t remove the pain. Or remove the fear in pain, however, the peace that follows these moments of surrender are not of this world. Those prayers….they keep me upright. They keep me smiling and able to love on and cuddle my littles. They are keeping me here. Many of you who read this, I have never met. Please give your babies extra love, encourage one another by continuing to pray for each other, and don’t ever forget the gift we have been given in this set of answered prayers. (more…)

pain. suffering. pain. suffering. It’s like a bad dream involving a John Secada CD, stuck on repeat where no one can seem to find the ‘off’ button. Lately, I have been hearing the broad range of the big questions relating God to the life He has for us. ‘why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God watch this occur and not intervene? It is not fair. Doesn’t He love us? WHY?! These questions are not unfounded, however, they ARE admittedly uncomfortable for me to address. They really aren’t my questions to answer. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’
Isaiah 55:9
In the moment of my own pain and agony, my flesh cries, ‘SAVE ME!! HELP ME!!! Please Lord!!’ When I set some time to the side to make sense of it all, guess what? I have come to the conclusion that there is no worldly sense in any of it. Not one person can tell me with perfect diction or authority when this will end. How? God could be preparing us for something much bigger that we are about to step into. Maybe, in His kindness, He needs to give us/ you/ me the credentials to enter into a particular an area of uncertainty in this life. Perhaps this tree needs serious pruning to help us, (me), be more Christlike, walk though these circumstances in His light, regardless of how this might feel’. Perhaps He wants us to be a tool to share for others to benefit. Or even at the very least a chance for us to point to real hope of the grace of God. (more…)

Guest Post
I arrived in the ICU this morning to find Michelle, much in the same condition she has been in since Wednesday evening. A little background, before I get to the main reason for this post. She had a temporary (5-6 day) lumbar drain put into her spine, and a running stitch into her original incision. The drain (10 cc/ml) every hour, helps remove the pocket of fluid that sits on top of her head. The stitch will hopefully tie her incision tight, and combined with the relieved pressure allow her wound time to heal/seal together, so she doesn’t leak anymore CSF.  They plan to turn the drain off on Monday.  Let her rest for 24-48 hours, retest the shunt, and see if there is any leaking. While I am optimistic there wouldn’t be leaking on Tuesday, it’s the days after that (usually at home and following a nights’ sleep) that are the true test.
I digress, she is not feeling well at all.  The draining causes her extreme headaches, and this time it is coupled with nausea. She is pretty much sedated for most of the day without much wherewithal to who is around. (more…)

How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, oh Lord my God. Light up my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. Lest my enemies say, “I have prevailed over him.” Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have rejoiced in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Psalm 13
This is my heart. David, I get you. You were cowering in fear, in a cave, writing your heart out. I am here in a hospital bed, 6 weeks later, Still broken. Still trusting. If David, a man after God’s heart can cry out these real and true words of anguish, why would I for one second think I would be immune to pain and despair? Why not me? Let’s take it a step further, how about the pain and suffering God set on Jesus’ shoulders? Humbled. And, truthfully, having a hard day. Today is the first day I let out my ugly cry. I am pretty sure I freaked my nurse and surgeon out. They backed out of the room with their ‘think positives’ ‘it will get better’s. I wanted to tell them they could keep their words. I serve a God who is much bigger than their words of (almost) comfort. I am choosing to wait on my God for deliverance. I know His timing is perfect. Thank you Lord for being trustworthy and loving me.
My update is this: Another mini surgery tomorrow. 5-7 days including recovery. It’s that super painful lumbar drain. (Remember the terrible headaches?) Along with re opening the wound and doing a running, (tighter), stitch. These both require anesthesia. I was going to tell you all the next step, should this not work. But I believe this will work. I believe we should be approaching God’s throne of grace and mercy through prayer with bold expectation. I am asking you all to come along side me and ask, plead, beg God to give us favor and heal me. My babies and husband need me. The truth is; I need them more. Thank you friends for praying.