Category: Brain

July 27th is approaching like a freight train. Not going to lie. I am having a hard time. The usual emotional girl stuff I hope. I am scared. I can’t really tell you of what though. Maybe of not being normal after? Or not waking up? Of not remembering stuff? me losing all feeling in my legs? Being a burden to everyone?  Not of dying. Although, I do think of that. That part is ok only because I know where I am going. Although it makes me sad to try and picture my babies lives without me as their mommy. Is that selfish? It makes me sad for them. B keeps telling me he doesn’t want me to go to heaven. I am totally regretting telling him what they are doing when I go away to the hospital.
Anyway, I am feeling weak. Which brings me to one of my most favorite scriptures, that I seem to only fully appreciate when I feeling like a runt.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9
God does this amazing thing when we entrust ourselves in our entirety to Him. He lets us know He has us. In little ways. Rather that be through scripture that screams to us, “I am speaking to YOU.” or through people and how they minister to your needs specifically or though a peace He gives us that surpasses all understanding. By His grace I have experienced all 3. I am recounting the many ways He carried me through the last trial, praising Him for the flawless surgery/ recovery/ care I would not trade for the world. There. I said it. He did it flawlessly last time, and I am afraid He won’t do it twice.
Please pray that I would guard my heart against that fear? My God has made me, and already ordained what is going to go down. Please pray that I would have a peace about the whole thing? And that I would remember:
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom shall I be afraid?  -Psalm 27:1

And yet still; His love for me is Holy.
The last month the freak headaches have returned along with other wierd symptoms I won’t bore you with. An MRI was ordered and thankfully they found immediately that our unwelcome little friend has grown. Thank you Lord that you are driving this boat, and you know where we are headed. If I have learned anything, it is that I am nothing. And at the same time, reminded by scripture/ and our Pastor, how incredible it is that God would give us His special attention. We are so undeserving, unworthy, especially thinking of the many ways I fail on a daily basis to show my Savior how much I love him, and yet, His love for me is Holy. It is perfect, and being reminded of  the depth of His love is what I needed to get through this next surgery. Today I met with the surgeon, and after reviewing the MRI, he says July 27th is the date. So, if you know me and love me/ my husband/ my little people, please pray for us?
-God to be glorified in this transaction.
-We need prayer for the surgeon: His hands to be guided with God’s wisdom, to know how far to go without inflicting damage.
-prayer for our marriage, that we would stand unified looking to God for our strength. Cause’ we ain’t gettin’ it from our vitamix.
-our babes. pray they will adjust well, and we will figure out enough activities for them to do in the middle of summer to keep em busy.
-Prayer for preparations to make a smooth transition from hospital to home to recovered.
-smooth and speedy recovery.

I am going to be real and say I am totally not looking forward to going through another surgery, however, remembering all the ways God led my family and I through each trial, and each victory made it a blessing. So, in a complicated way, I am looking forward to seeing how God will use this for His good purpose. We are all His anyway, right? Right. 🙂

Doc cleared me to sleep normal and lift Halle. Thank you praying friends! The fluid is still there, so Doc says walk 60 minutes a day, and we can give up on the sleeping like a lunatic, and not lifting my baby since that did no good. We will revisit the fluid issue in a few weeks.

I am in still in utter shock, as the things we pray for and entrust to Him are just like that, taken care of. Our good God has blessed us yet again. Results are in….Stage 1, benign, NO ABNORMAL markers. The tumor did test positive for progesterone receptors, which explains the massive and quick growth at the end of pregnancy. Unfortunately, this means another baby would jeopordize my health, so numero 4 may be outta the picture. Something to be praying about, also something to be praising God for. I am so thankful I feel like there is at least an answer to all this.  You never know how news like this will feel until you really think through how opposite the news could be, and what those implications are. To really think through leaving my family was not cool. This chickadee is praising God for salvation from this trial. Also my eternal salvation, the fact I am His child and He cares for me has gotten us through this year with joy. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.
Anyway. The whole reason for this post is to THANK you, each and every one of you who has offered up a supplication, prayer on my/ our behalf. I know God hears, He answers and supplies us with all that we need for this life, without fail.

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where there are two or three gathered in my name, there I am among them.
-Matthew 18:19-20

We are so immensly blessed by each of you, you will never know how your love and support has carried us through this time. Each time I stop and think how we are so loved and cared for, tears start streaming-it is highly emotional. We just can’t thank you enough. So praise God for His good and perfect gifts that come in the form of you. xoxo