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Guest Post
I arrived in the ICU this morning to find Michelle, much in the same condition she has been in since Wednesday evening. A little background, before I get to the main reason for this post. She had a temporary (5-6 day) lumbar drain put into her spine, and a running stitch into her original incision. The drain (10 cc/ml) every hour, helps remove the pocket of fluid that sits on top of her head. The stitch will hopefully tie her incision tight, and combined with the relieved pressure allow her wound time to heal/seal together, so she doesn’t leak anymore CSF.  They plan to turn the drain off on Monday.  Let her rest for 24-48 hours, retest the shunt, and see if there is any leaking. While I am optimistic there wouldn’t be leaking on Tuesday, it’s the days after that (usually at home and following a nights’ sleep) that are the true test.
I digress, she is not feeling well at all.  The draining causes her extreme headaches, and this time it is coupled with nausea. She is pretty much sedated for most of the day without much wherewithal to who is around.
Typically I shy away from blogs, social media, etc but felt compelled after seeing Michelle’s phone filled up with hundreds of unread texts, calls, face books posts etc this morning.
Obviously , we have been seeking so much prayer over these past two months. So let me provide some ways your prayers have been answered, and hopefully encourage you knowing that God continues to work in so many ways.
Seizures:  Michelle has not had a seizure, that we know of, for the last 40 days. After having days in which she would have in upwards of 10 this is tremendous hope that her last tumor surgery worked as you have prayed.
Walking: on Wednesday before her lumbar procedure, Michelle and I had the chance to walk around the DOU ward. No walker, no wheelchair.  She looked liked she was ready to run. Where typically I held her arms while she walked, instead we held hands as she walked for the first time in months.  🙂
Family health: as you can imagine, the burden has been falling on our immediate family, as Michelle has been in the hospital for 33 days now. Over the last two months no one has gotten ill, been unable to perform their needed roles, or any other unanticipated incumbrance. Other than some difficulties with our oldest’s ego and competitiveness the children have been wonderfully adaptive.
Food: never before have we eaten so well. The meals that have been provided, both at home and hospital, have been so appreciated. I can’t tell you how nice it is to not have to worry about cooking. Those days where we need to grab a quick bite have given much insight into the best hamburger joints in north Anaheim. Try Farmer Boys……….
Home Care: I could go on all day, but this needs to be said. Given the need for me to continue to work through this time (in San Diego no less), and not having Michelle  at home, has created a what should be a logistical nightmare. However, with mom’s, in-laws, friends, neighbors and a wonderful home care giver provided by Compass Bible Church the kids and house have been more than taken care of.
Encouragement: cards, gifts, messages, I could go on. These have sustained us to no end.  I have no way to send a response to each and every one of you, however, please know that these have all been cherished, loved and accepted with open arms. They keep us going, when we think there’s not enough in the tank. Finally, God’s timing is perfect. At the same timeMichelle entered the hospital, our Godly pastor released a book about how God uses trials in our lives and what our response should be. It has helped read while sitting here in the ICU, and would encourage you to read it as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Lifelines-Tough-Times-Gods-Presence/dp/0736958169/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1403375415&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=lifelines+for+tough+times
Needless to say, God is hearing your prayers and supplications. For that, on behalf of my family and specifically Michelle, THANK YOU!!!!

This post was in my heart for a couple weeks now. I write this not to rile anyone up, but rather help you people simmer down. Maybe you are over it. Or you think it’s all been said. A young new bride with a life of unfulfilled dreams has slipped away. On her terms. Her husband and mother will experience the wake of grief we all innately fear. The ending of her life saddens me. The brevity of her life makes my face flush. The campaign she chose when given this incredible platform is discouraging to any God fearing Christian. I saw in her not choosing an allegiance to God, her faith laid elsewhere, and my heart truly broke for her. Breaks for her loved ones. Her desire to choose is not really what this is about…is it? Unless you have experienced the all consuming pain associated with a large tumor and swelling brain, or have been in that dark corner of hell on earth, I don’t really know that you can predict what you would do. Let alone judge another for what they decide. This is no ordinary taking back of their own life, (if there could ever be an “ordinary” in that realm)…it is a desperate moment of physical anguish. I will tell you when I had asceptic meningitis, the jacked lumbar drain and brain tumor at it’s largest, had I known there was no hope of physical redemption, I too would have begged God for mercy and asked for anything to make it stop. I can guarantee anyone witnessing the agony would have happily obliged. Suffering is real and deeply pains all who witness. 
As someone who has surrendered their life to God, I see His desire for us to grow in His likeness, through many avenues, but especially through pain and suffering. Not that we all have to suffer physically for months and years on end, but it’s that when we suffer and writhe in pain, we fix our eyes on Him. We as humans have a natural propensity to control, and salvage what we think we have. Especially in times where we are stripped of everything. While it is nice to be shown mercy in these moments, I do believe God has His hand in and owns our suffering. This post is not a slam to Brittany, her family. I do not know where they stand before God. I am not ambivalent to choosing to plan to die. My plan lies in God’s plan. On His terms. 
I pray the reality of your mortality, (which is truly why these tragedies so deeply affect us), drives you to entrust your soul and everything in you to desire and rely upon your Creator. He is by definiton, Power. Mercy. Love. What a sweet peace; to have faith that in those deeply painful moments of life and death, He is waiting to show you His power. His mercy. His love.