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Guest Post
I arrived in the ICU this morning to find Michelle, much in the same condition she has been in since Wednesday evening. A little background, before I get to the main reason for this post. She had a temporary (5-6 day) lumbar drain put into her spine, and a running stitch into her original incision. The drain (10 cc/ml) every hour, helps remove the pocket of fluid that sits on top of her head. The stitch will hopefully tie her incision tight, and combined with the relieved pressure allow her wound time to heal/seal together, so she doesn’t leak anymore CSF.  They plan to turn the drain off on Monday.  Let her rest for 24-48 hours, retest the shunt, and see if there is any leaking. While I am optimistic there wouldn’t be leaking on Tuesday, it’s the days after that (usually at home and following a nights’ sleep) that are the true test.
I digress, she is not feeling well at all.  The draining causes her extreme headaches, and this time it is coupled with nausea. She is pretty much sedated for most of the day without much wherewithal to who is around. (more…)

pain. suffering. pain. suffering. It’s like a bad dream involving a John Secada CD, stuck on repeat where no one can seem to find the ‘off’ button. Lately, I have been hearing the broad range of the big questions relating God to the life He has for us. ‘why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God watch this occur and not intervene? It is not fair. Doesn’t He love us? WHY?! These questions are not unfounded, however, they ARE admittedly uncomfortable for me to address. They really aren’t my questions to answer. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’
Isaiah 55:9
In the moment of my own pain and agony, my flesh cries, ‘SAVE ME!! HELP ME!!! Please Lord!!’ When I set some time to the side to make sense of it all, guess what? I have come to the conclusion that there is no worldly sense in any of it. Not one person can tell me with perfect diction or authority when this will end. How? God could be preparing us for something much bigger that we are about to step into. Maybe, in His kindness, He needs to give us/ you/ me the credentials to enter into a particular an area of uncertainty in this life. Perhaps this tree needs serious pruning to help us, (me), be more Christlike, walk though these circumstances in His light, regardless of how this might feel’. Perhaps He wants us to be a tool to share for others to benefit. Or even at the very least a chance for us to point to real hope of the grace of God. (more…)

I am HOME! With all your prayers, God’s good hand, and a (partially) functioning brain later, We
made it. I have a whole lot less hair, a few more scars, and my babies and husband are within arms reach. I made it out protected and on my knees with gratitude for you all. Thank you all for praying without ceasing. Do you know how I know your many prayers went up?  Every so often I am struck with {literally} unbearable pain. It might last one minute, it might last a couple hours, at anytime in between meds….and I feel it. I feel the dark deep. It hurts, and I can’t physically carry the burden, the raging pain. Jesus is quick to remind me He is here, His yoke is light. And I am able to feel and see what truly resting it all on Him is. It doesn’t remove the pain. Or remove the fear in pain, however, the peace that follows these moments of surrender are not of this world. Those prayers….they keep me upright. They keep me smiling and able to love on and cuddle my littles. They are keeping me here. Many of you who read this, I have never met. Please give your babies extra love, encourage one another by continuing to pray for each other, and don’t ever forget the gift we have been given in this set of answered prayers. (more…)