He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:1-2
Trust. Refuge. My God.
This. This last week has most definitely been an exercise in trust. And allowing God to guard my heart from fear. The fear that comes from the unknown and the scary and the how long O’Lord? Today I praise God for the joy and peace He has graciously given myself and those caring for me as it’s become an unsteady chapter of recovery. My pajamas are my new sugar. What comes with these trials, other than wrinkles and a consistent expectancy of a new one to come, is an unspeakable faith that no matter what the outcome, He loves me. He will lead us as we lean in.
I wish this kind of love and trust for everyone-minus the burden it can put on others. For myself, this looks like a mother who has relentlessly protected and advocated for me through the entirety of this experience. Parents who love us and pray for us, drop everything to help us in any way. A husband who never leaves or complains. Makes wise decisions, is honest, and tells me when I need to shower. Friends who provide for every need and love on our family like nobody’s business. These same friends cry with me, pray for me, shower me with gifts, hugs and constant encouragement. God does not bring us to broken and leave us. When you have a real relationship with our Jesus, He brings you through the broken not to fix the situation always-but so you can experience His character. Experience His promises come to fruition. Experience how deeply He loves us and the power He exercises in provisions and how He graciously give us peace. He changes our heart, not necessarily the circumstance. That, friends, is redemption. That is the contentment in all circumstances. If we are blessed enough, He chooses us for these faith building trials, which can allow us to share the compassion and understanding we have been shown to those whose trials are to come.This past week has been weird. I am tired. I don’t feel well. It has helped me see, yet again, I really don’t have control of what is going on or what the future might look like. I have been having more seizures. Chest pressure. Monday. Tuesday maybe? Can’t remember. We took a little trip to the ER. I had 2 bad seizures and apparently went unconscious for a bit. We were alone and Brayden had to call 911 and walk through the fear of us my mom ok? Why won’t she wake up? And be apart of yet another scary moment. He was also the one who was a part of finding Christian and experiencing that trauma. The kid, for as strong willed as he is, has had his own story. His own walk of what I pray is faith building. The doctor gave me another medicine that makes me another shade of stupid. Chad’s thrilled. As I shared with my friend, my couch and I be like 🤞🏼. I went for a walk, showered and well, those are my victories today.
I wish this kind of love and trust for everyone-minus the burden it can put on others. For myself, this looks like a mother who has relentlessly protected and advocated for me through the entirety of this experience. Parents who love us and pray for us, drop everything to help us in any way. A husband who never leaves or complains. Makes wise decisions, is honest, and tells me when I need to shower. Friends who provide for every need and love on our family like nobody’s business. These same friends cry with me, pray for me, shower me with gifts, hugs and constant encouragement. God does not bring us to broken and leave us. When you have a real relationship with our Jesus, He brings you through the broken not to fix the situation always-but so you can experience His character. Experience His promises come to fruition. Experience how deeply He loves us and the power He exercises in provisions and how He graciously give us peace. He changes our heart, not necessarily the circumstance. That, friends, is redemption. That is the contentment in all circumstances. If we are blessed enough, He chooses us for these faith building trials, which can allow us to share the compassion and understanding we have been shown to those whose trials are to come.This past week has been weird. I am tired. I don’t feel well. It has helped me see, yet again, I really don’t have control of what is going on or what the future might look like. I have been having more seizures. Chest pressure. Monday. Tuesday maybe? Can’t remember. We took a little trip to the ER. I had 2 bad seizures and apparently went unconscious for a bit. We were alone and Brayden had to call 911 and walk through the fear of us my mom ok? Why won’t she wake up? And be apart of yet another scary moment. He was also the one who was a part of finding Christian and experiencing that trauma. The kid, for as strong willed as he is, has had his own story. His own walk of what I pray is faith building. The doctor gave me another medicine that makes me another shade of stupid. Chad’s thrilled. As I shared with my friend, my couch and I be like 🤞🏼. I went for a walk, showered and well, those are my victories today.
Much Love,
Michelle
Michelle
