Haaaaaappppy New Year! Or happy day. You woke up right? It’s been so long…Writing feels like navigating mental cobwebs. I have missed it! And more importantly, you all. 🙂 God woke me up at 5:19 this morning. This is important as If you know me, this waking this early IS an act of God. He laid it heavy on my heart to put words on proverbial paper, (blog), to recognize His faithfulness, His sovereignty.
This last year, you did not read much as I physically was capable of much more, thus-I walked around in circles and tried to clean and stuff. Enjoy my babies. Play uno. Oh, and uhhh, sell our home and move. Adjust to all that comes with that. Sports. School. Everyone is most excited to eat more than toast and fruit, and not having to make daily trips to the market. Moving was a big deal and I had no idea something I desired so badly, could rock our family in such a big way. 6 months later and God has faithfully carried us. Along with that of course is the blessing of new home! Space! It is so much more than we deserve and I am so grateful. Our whole family truly loves it here.
The blog became super interesting to everyone when my brain issue started happening, and that is was gave me the platform to share what God has taught and continues to teach me as I work through all that comes with this bad boy. I had not realized how God blessed me be able to share all that was happening medically, emotionally, spiritually and how that helped me get through one of the hardest times of my life. I have all of you to thank for supporting and loving on me. This last year has held the kind of trials you can’t talk about on a blog, or publicly for that matter. These are the most isolating, and most damaging to the joy our eternal perspective ought to bring us. God is so faithful, so, so faithful. He carried me through, bringing just the right few people I was able to confide in and walk alongside me, and pour truth into me when I felt like a shell. Other days, He just allowed me to get to bedtime, and sleep offered the reset I needed for the next day, whatever that would bring. He chose this trial, and I have surrendered. And He is good. And there is redemption. Dare I say joy?
I get MRI’s every 3 months. I have felt so convicted for not sharing this, as all of you have always prayed for me and ask about my health.
In July, my MRI came back no growth. In September, as Dr. and I are flipping through MRI images, he was very happy to tell me no growth. Great! Oh wait doc-what is THAT.
On my frontal lobe there was a new growth, in my brain tissue. 1cm x 3-4cm. The radiologist MISSED it. How does something like that happen?
He didn’t know what it was yet, but it grew to be that size inside 3 months. I didn’t want to bring it to everyone’s attention as he didn’t know what it was yet-I wanted to wait. The entire month, my mind wandered. I cried. I cried a lot. My stomach hurt a lot. And then I went in October for another MRI…and it was GONE. No remnant. No artifact. No sign it was ever there. My jaw about hit the floor, I had no words and he joyfully stuttered he had never seen anything like this-ever. It was a gift. A total miracle.
I should have been proclaiming God’s greatness right then for the world to hear, right? In fear, I held back not wanting to draw attention, and that was wrong. I have struggled with that these past few months. Tuesday, I had an MRI, next Thursday, I find out what God has planned for my brain tissue for the time being. While He has graciously given me MUCH redemption and healing, His faithful character is not contingent nor related to the gifts He has mercifully blessed me with. His faithfulness lies in His unconditional love, willingness to forgive, and ever presence I know I can call on at any time.
My mother’s 90 year old friend is currently in the hospital dying. It is no less sad and upsetting to watch life end, regardless if 90 great years were lived. As I watched her breathe last night, knowing her life will soon end, I am reminded so sharply how each minute of life is sustained and controlled by our loving God. What peace that brings me in the most uncertain and painful times. What a reminder to praise Him in the happiest. He is sovereign, working all things together for those who love Him, and I trust He will do good
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