Fair warning-I am all over the place and you can bet your socks all below is much of the same.

Tears and tears and more buckets of tears. I am so overwhelmed with ALL the love. Friends, friends of friends-friends of friends of friends…your love is God’s love and it is so real I can taste it. Thank you my blessings!

This is who and what you are. I am a feeler. Whatever positive or negative purpose this serves it is what I am. Not who, I will not be defined by that, but it is how God made me. Whatever you feel deepest for or about, the way I feel now trumps that 1000%. This experience, seeing God’s work, His love on display so evidently through this trial makes every headache and sacrifice worth it.

This tumor…as hard as this reality has been through the last 10 years, has given me so much more than what it has taken. How could I ever know God’s love for me without feeling His presence, love, spankings, love, wisdom, love, protection, love and then His love yet again?

We hear these convicting/ convincing/ compelling sermons from time to time about our purpose, or gifts, or our mission field. I think in the middle or end of the sermon we respond with a heart of use me! Anything God!

And then maybe we don’t follow up on that. Speaking for myself here also people. I can encourage you from experience, do not be afraid of how He chooses to use and bless you. He equips and empowers you to do and endure what He chooses to use you for.

My prayer for all of you is to see God, not me through this trial. That you would see Him for who He is. The Creator/ our creator/ your creator. That you would accept you are His. With that you would trust in the blood and resurrection of our Christ as payment and promise of eternity. Friends, we are His-God has complete control and protection of our souls here on earth and and forevermore.

I give them eternal life and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all and no one can snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

-John 10:28-30

This truth is the core of my peace, my comfort, and my complete ability to surrender. I don’t know that I could ever have made it to this point without knowing and trusting in His sovereign nature and everlasting love for me.

Onto the what if’s.

Ugghhh. I never play that game. NOT.

Guilty.

Unfortunately those are our, my, natural response to circumstances we truly have zero control over. We have to turn those fears, (because let’s be honest that’s what they are), into the opportunity to go back to who God says He is and His ever faithful promises. This is what deepens our trust and faith.

So…what if I make the wrong decision?

He is God who promises to give wisdom.

If anyone of you lacks wisdom ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given to Him.

James 1:5

What if I lose everything?

He is a God who provides. Manna anyone? Jesus?

What if I am in danger/ might get hurt?

He is a God who protects.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

        From where does my help come?

    My help comes from the LORD,

        who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

        he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

        will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

-Psalm 121:1-6

So many verses and promises to help ease our anxious hearts. I share these with you because these are my truths. And this is what I turn to. I pray you will too…we all will be in this corner or the 57 other kinds of corners Satan tries to put us in. We need Him!

While I don’t hope that you all are in THIS situation, I do wish this blessing on everyone. I pray for deepened faith, love and prayers where you can experience God as I do. Truly this is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. My family and friends included. This is their trial too.

Thank you again from the bottom of my my lovelies. I am excited to see what God will do!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say REJOICE!!!

-Philippians 4:4