Blog

Just a quick update on Michelle. I’ll try and add more info in the coming days.
She made it out of surgery successfully this evening. I’m with her now in the ICU.
We’re overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support across the country.
I spoke with the neurosurgeon after the surgery and he was more than happy with how it went. He believes he got 90-95% of the ENTIRE tumor. MRI tomorrow will confirm. He was extremely shocked that he was able to take out as much as he did. With all the prayers for God’s hand in the surgery going out, I wasn’t as surprised. Great Physician: 1, Earthly physician: 0

The operation took what seemed like forever, but was about 7 hours in total.

Her eye sight seems to be good. She can talk and move and says she’s hungry. We’re working on some ice chips but I’m sure we’ll graduate to jello here soon.

Prayer requests (if I could ask for more than we’ve already taken of your time with God):

– healing. This ones gonna be rough. Long surgery = long recovery with lots of pain management. Not fun seeing your bride suffer.
– protection. No physical setbacks during the recovery. she has a couple of important brain scans coming. That those would show no major concerns/issues.
– wisdom. Enough said

– long term.  No offense to Hoag Hospital but we’d love to not see you for a long time.

Thank you all. We’ll keep you updated as we learn more.
Chad and Michelle

Fair warning-I am all over the place and you can bet your socks all below is much of the same.

Tears and tears and more buckets of tears. I am so overwhelmed with ALL the love. Friends, friends of friends-friends of friends of friends…your love is God’s love and it is so real I can taste it. Thank you my blessings!

This is who and what you are. I am a feeler. Whatever positive or negative purpose this serves it is what I am. Not who, I will not be defined by that, but it is how God made me. Whatever you feel deepest for or about, the way I feel now trumps that 1000%. This experience, seeing God’s work, His love on display so evidently through this trial makes every headache and sacrifice worth it.

This tumor…as hard as this reality has been through the last 10 years, has given me so much more than what it has taken. How could I ever know God’s love for me without feeling His presence, love, spankings, love, wisdom, love, protection, love and then His love yet again?

We hear these convicting/ convincing/ compelling sermons from time to time about our purpose, or gifts, or our mission field. I think in the middle or end of the sermon we respond with a heart of use me! Anything God!

And then maybe we don’t follow up on that. Speaking for myself here also people. I can encourage you from experience, do not be afraid of how He chooses to use and bless you. He equips and empowers you to do and endure what He chooses to use you for.

My prayer for all of you is to see God, not me through this trial. That you would see Him for who He is. The Creator/ our creator/ your creator. That you would accept you are His. With that you would trust in the blood and resurrection of our Christ as payment and promise of eternity. Friends, we are His-God has complete control and protection of our souls here on earth and and forevermore.

I give them eternal life and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all and no one can snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

-John 10:28-30

This truth is the core of my peace, my comfort, and my complete ability to surrender. I don’t know that I could ever have made it to this point without knowing and trusting in His sovereign nature and everlasting love for me.

Onto the what if’s.

Ugghhh. I never play that game. NOT.

Guilty.

Unfortunately those are our, my, natural response to circumstances we truly have zero control over. We have to turn those fears, (because let’s be honest that’s what they are), into the opportunity to go back to who God says He is and His ever faithful promises. This is what deepens our trust and faith.

So…what if I make the wrong decision?

He is God who promises to give wisdom.

If anyone of you lacks wisdom ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given to Him.

James 1:5

What if I lose everything?

He is a God who provides. Manna anyone? Jesus?

What if I am in danger/ might get hurt?

He is a God who protects.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

        From where does my help come?

    My help comes from the LORD,

        who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

        he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

        will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

-Psalm 121:1-6

So many verses and promises to help ease our anxious hearts. I share these with you because these are my truths. And this is what I turn to. I pray you will too…we all will be in this corner or the 57 other kinds of corners Satan tries to put us in. We need Him!

While I don’t hope that you all are in THIS situation, I do wish this blessing on everyone. I pray for deepened faith, love and prayers where you can experience God as I do. Truly this is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. My family and friends included. This is their trial too.

Thank you again from the bottom of my my lovelies. I am excited to see what God will do!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say REJOICE!!!

-Philippians 4:4

Peace out 2021

I hope you all had a happy Christmas celebrating our Savior!

I have been blog MIA for awhile now. I am sorry for the crickets my faithfuls. Praise the Lord for Facebook. Seeing everyone’s sweet pictures and adventures blesses me! And then disqualifies me from any fun or ambitious mom award. Good thing I am not competitive in this arena. Only all the other ones.

Basically because my brain isn’t as helpful when it comes to writing as of late. I write something and it doesn’t make sense or I forget how to spell easy words like children exercise, etc. Lots of excuses.

This year has been good. And hard. Reflecting on the very many years prior, I may have previously echoed a similar sentiment. Many sweet memories and moments have overshadowed the ridiculously hard and painful we have been fighting through. I truly do not know where we would be without a deep faith and love for my Jesus.

First…I am going to share some happy.

FYI, I have no clue how to format this all organized.

2021 in review.

Now the hard.

My dad spontaneously developed acquired hemophilia with factor 8. Super duper rare. He was bleeding internally and externally to the point he had over 20 transfusions. He also has dementia which is so sad. He has been so sweet. The crazy Italian has been tamed. And after 12 weeks in the hospital  his health is no longer at a critical level. Additionally, Chad and I had the pleasure of spending 5 days clearing out his apartment. Have I ever shared he was an organized hoarder? Legit. FIVE days people.  

December I had my 3 month post-op MRI. Truly was expecting a high 5 and sticker. Unfortunately this piece of work tumor has decided to double down in the growth department. She grew ALL the way back and then some. Think summer bod —-> post Christmas muffin top.

My oncologist put me on a new chemo infusion for a different kind of cancer. This particular one landed me in the hospital with a headache I only wish on child molesters.

Side note: I had the mother-load of hospital suites with an all you can eat situation. Like a cruise ship in bed. Not unlike my other stays, but still, I felt all sorts of special.

There is no specific chemo for my kind of tumor. Because that would be easy! My body is allergic to easy. 100%.

This specific treatment is risky as you cannot bleed or have surgery within a month of beginning or ending this treatment. Well three days after the first infusion, my surgeon called and said I needed to have surgery as soon as possible. That would have been helpful to know going in. But….God’s timing is perfect. God’s timing is perfect. God’s timing is perfect.

Due to the extremely aggressive nature of the tumor, (it is growing at a much accelerated rate), he has given us some news that truly we are all struggling with.  The only option to give me a chance to continue to fight this thing is to remove it completely. Remember how a portion of it is inoperable? Well, there is no other option but to go this route.
To say this a high risk surgery is an understatement-which is why they never could safely resect it.

Friends-we desperately need your prayers. Surgery is 2/1.

Please pray for:

-God to be gloried above all else. His will to be done and that our hearts would align appropriately.

-the surgery to go better than we could ever imagine; for no brain damage, preserved eye sight, no brain bleeds. That He would safely bring me through.

–for my surgeon, for wisdom, and a God given ability to remove it!

-for my sweet husband and family. This is not easy on anyone.

-for an uneventful and full recovery.

-the tumor doesn’t progress to a grade 3. 

We most importantly need to praise God for His perfect and kind character. In doing that, I need to share God’s sovereignty and love in this all. Had I had surgery right away, or tried to, I would have had a very sick surgeon who could not operate anyway. He caught the covid. I would not have had the time to mentally prepare. I would not have been able to have my long awaited city of hope appointment that would confirm the course of action my surgeon and oncologist have both recommended.
See? God is already at work. Even though there were some uuuuugly tears happening in this corner, He has calmed my heart in a tender and unbelievable way. Thank you all for letting me lean on you. Looking forward to seeing this bring glory to our living, almighty God.

 

Love,

Michelle

***if you share on FB, please let people know they might need to physically type the website aintnosupermom.com into their browser. Apparently facebook doesn’t like that I use God’s name more than 3 times.

Fresh and new tag lines are not my game. I hope this post finds you all well. 2 week post op appt happened yesterday. Well, back up. Can we talk about what a pleasure I have been these past 2 weeks? I have been passenger number one on the struggle-bus. I am all about authenticity, and today friends, I share more than I have in the latter days. I share to show His grace is enough. At the end of the minute, hour, day, did He leave me? Am I right where He has me? Or did I slip between the cracks and am suffering without His notice?

Never.

Even though this has been by far the hardest recovery, He loves me and cares for me. Still. I am under His good protection and mercy and I stand by my hearts desire to be nowhere but in my Savior. 

I share my heart to encourage all of you walking through your own labyrinth of hard. My comfort and confidence is in my all powerful Jesus. I hope my deep dependence is contagious and you too will find peace amidst your own battles.

Because you all so sweetly ask and lovingly check in, I will give another update. My personal recovery looks like buckets of humility, pain, a lot of discomfort, me being all the unbecoming things.

God brings me to this verse far too often. It consistently brings me much comfort and I want to share with you all.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:8-10

All day, every day. But especially in these last days. 

I am still on steroids, which help with pain and inflammation but give me the nervous energy of a toddler on red dye. 

People-I cleaned window sills and baseboards. Who am I? 

These steroids don’t allow my body and brain to rest which is desperately what I need. 

As I wean off these crack pills, I need prayer for God’s help in allowing me to not be overburdened with pain. 

Speaking of-next item for the complaint department are pain pills. (God bless them). And then the opposite. I hate that they are the only thing that can help. They make me feel horrible and nasty and yet able to function all at once. I have been fighting taking them thus chasing pain, which seems to never work out. (Quick learner here) 

Figuring out a weaning schedule with another Dr. Thursday. I think my surgeon got annoyed with me-thus the hot potato. 

Lastly, the pathology came back yesterday. Grade 2. It was a grade 1 (shockingly) for allll those years-and now moved to a grade 2. I don’t think that’s that’s a good thing, but I believe the positive is if it grows back, I qualify for other trials with that new grade. 

The tumor board meets Friday over what is next. Truthfully, I appreciate their input, but I am giving myself a break. My body needs a rest from everything. Except chocolate. And cuddles. I love you all and am so thankful for your prayers, meals, love and thoughtfulness towards myself and my familia.

Each of you have changed me. Forever. You have been God’s tools and instruments in my life to bless me beyond my wildest imagination. I love you so big!!! You might have signed up to bring a meal. Asked awkward questions that I actually appreciated, encouraged me when you had no idea I deeply needed it. Perhaps you brought me juice lunch and groceries again and again? Maybe you heard about me through a friend, and showed compassion on me and my family and prayed or shared. 

Driven me around consistently. Listened to me tell a story that had absolutely no meaning for you. You didn’t give me huh?!face. 

The common thread? You all are the same tribe that lovingly prays for me. Is there an any more meaningful act of love than a heart felt petition on behalf of a sister and friends’ soul? Negative. It is sacrificial, done in humility, and a completely intimate request and conversation between our One and Only.  Thank you friends for your commitment to faithfully draw near to our King’s throne on my behalf! My prayer through this all is that this bananas trial grows your faith as deep as it does mine. That in years to come we gladly share of these miracle laden surgeries and recoveries, wash and repeat, in complete awe. That we learn His nature on a deeper level and that we would actively seek to have His eyes and heart for others. So much so that we would be the light drawing people to salvation. That friends, is the success we seek, defined. What a beautiful thing this would be!! 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for every single prayer, sharing my requests, asking for prayer…

Tuesday, I felt like a kid getting picked up for a surprise, NOT like the fearful chapter ahead where I felt like I was jumping off a moving train. Chad I both were ready and given this most beautiful promised, perfect peace. And then 2 hours of not awkward/ not awkward silence ensued. 

….And then they found a hair. How funnnn. Can you Imagine? 7 hours on 2 other surgeries, sanitized for a 3rd time and there is a hair. The room now has to be transformed for the 3rd time into the cleanest, coldest  freezer in Orange County. Doesn’t everything almost die at 32° anyway? For sure that is where my freshly shaved legs go to flatline. Let me tell you how thrilled I would be as a nurse on team discovery. 

Not. You know that hair blower was crowned hated nurse of the week. My heart goes out to you human. 

So how am I? Welp. Better question is how has God answered our prayers? In His amazing Grace-I am alive! So thankful. So eternally thankful. I can hear. I can see. (I do have a floaters. A lot of random ones.) Headaches are strong and steady. Trying to come up with a pain management plan with doctors and nurses has been the challenge. I am in a lot of pain. A doctor specifically assigned to this role has walked through this door, and I am not going to lie, while he is aggressive, I do believe it will help. I need to get an Uber on the speed dial, but there is relief to be had for these debilitating afflictions in real time. I truly need to get over it and just accept the help when I get to that point.
Here is my battle wound. You can’t see it because I can’t for the life of me figure out how to put a picture in here maybe tomorrow?

I only accidentally touch her 20 times a day with dirty nails. Walking through through that web of you are probably going to die of an infected wound not a brain tumor or stroke is a fun little game I have been playing as of late. 

My loves, I have nothing left to write. I am officially out. ✌🏼I love you and thank you! Brain><out!