Author: Michelle White

Guest Post
I arrived in the ICU this morning to find Michelle, much in the same condition she has been in since Wednesday evening. A little background, before I get to the main reason for this post. She had a temporary (5-6 day) lumbar drain put into her spine, and a running stitch into her original incision. The drain (10 cc/ml) every hour, helps remove the pocket of fluid that sits on top of her head. The stitch will hopefully tie her incision tight, and combined with the relieved pressure allow her wound time to heal/seal together, so she doesn’t leak anymore CSF.  They plan to turn the drain off on Monday.  Let her rest for 24-48 hours, retest the shunt, and see if there is any leaking. While I am optimistic there wouldn’t be leaking on Tuesday, it’s the days after that (usually at home and following a nights’ sleep) that are the true test.
I digress, she is not feeling well at all.  The draining causes her extreme headaches, and this time it is coupled with nausea. She is pretty much sedated for most of the day without much wherewithal to who is around. (more…)

How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, oh Lord my God. Light up my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. Lest my enemies say, “I have prevailed over him.” Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have rejoiced in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Psalm 13
This is my heart. David, I get you. You were cowering in fear, in a cave, writing your heart out. I am here in a hospital bed, 6 weeks later, Still broken. Still trusting. If David, a man after God’s heart can cry out these real and true words of anguish, why would I for one second think I would be immune to pain and despair? Why not me? Let’s take it a step further, how about the pain and suffering God set on Jesus’ shoulders? Humbled. And, truthfully, having a hard day. Today is the first day I let out my ugly cry. I am pretty sure I freaked my nurse and surgeon out. They backed out of the room with their ‘think positives’ ‘it will get better’s. I wanted to tell them they could keep their words. I serve a God who is much bigger than their words of (almost) comfort. I am choosing to wait on my God for deliverance. I know His timing is perfect. Thank you Lord for being trustworthy and loving me.
My update is this: Another mini surgery tomorrow. 5-7 days including recovery. It’s that super painful lumbar drain. (Remember the terrible headaches?) Along with re opening the wound and doing a running, (tighter), stitch. These both require anesthesia. I was going to tell you all the next step, should this not work. But I believe this will work. I believe we should be approaching God’s throne of grace and mercy through prayer with bold expectation. I am asking you all to come along side me and ask, plead, beg God to give us favor and heal me. My babies and husband need me. The truth is; I need them more. Thank you friends for praying.