Ain't No Supermom

Category: Thankful

  • It happened. I knew the day was coming. My oldest makes random announcements of Christian’s passing to people we meet or know and while it is uncomfortable for them, I breathe a sigh of relief. Because, I know that is a burden relieved off his big mending heart. He doesn’t break down and cry, he doesn’t say it isn’t fair, he just wants people to know he lost his brother, a baby whom he loved. “My baby brother died”, is actually what he says. And today, he announced it to his entire class of 34 kids when he had the floor. God has shown this mama great mercy in giving me boys who show love and compassion but do not express emotion in a way I am not capable of handling.
    In Brayden sharing, his teacher took the opportunity to talk about his loss and a couple other children shared they too have lost a sibling. Older, in birth, in their mommy’s tummy, etc. A sad day for her, I am sure. I praise God for the fact He has allowed B and W to see and feel the value of life and the need for redemption. Christian’s passing has created an organic longing in all our hearts to be reunited with our Savior, whose work on the cross will make all things right. And of course to be reunited with our sweet Christian again. That day shall be a day of rejoicing!

    “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor shall there be crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.“
    Revelation 21:4

  • The Glory Days…

    My kids, (and I),….have been blessed. Especially this last week. Camp compass happened. (VBS). It rocked their world! And mine too if I am being honest. We had entirely too much fun being with friends, friends, friends. Our church did an unbelievable job of pouring truth into these young little souls. At the end, I asked my sweet friend E-why can’t we cut tape and do crafts and be all communal again? She didn’t have a good answer. Here is a recap of this spectacular week. If the week wasn’t good enough, Sat was spent getting to see and talk the night away with our Andersen’s and new baby girl, Emily. She is beautiful. Sunday we will watch our Papa preach from the pulpit at his church! Such an exciting week. So much to praise God for.

                                                     No pain, No gain. It’s that simple.
          How we roll into little league games where we don’t belong fit right in.

    Baby Emily! She is perfect. Told ya.

  • Sweet Mercy

    One month has passed since our baby has left our arms to be in the care of our Father’s. Preparing myself for this day, I thought I would need buckets for the tears, a few ambien if things got real bad. And then today came. No tears. Not one. Our good Lord is ever faithful. Oh, is He faithful. And abundant in the many ways He shows us He loves us. His Word is alive. His people are His arms and feet. We feel His love through you all. The sadness can be paralyzing, but the hope of the other side of the cross is overwhelming. God had the details of this day all worked out before we existed, dare I say that?  I had made up this day  to be intolerable, dramatic, and full of sobbing. Instead I was given unexpected emails, texts, cupcakes, flowers and a very generous gift involving pretty hair by a very sweet friend. These gifts were given in love, not intentionally knowing it was to be a hard day for us which made it all the more special. It showed us God’s handprint in this healing process and His sweet mercy. Thank you to everyone who reached out and loved on us, or just said hello today, you will never know the gravity of that act.  

    Sweet baby, 
    You are one month old in eternity. But who is counting? Me. Your mama. I am counting the days until I get to see your sweet soul again. I miss your sweet smile, how you use to scrunch up after I would unswaddle you. I miss your diapers. They were so tiny. I miss them. I miss you, my love. The time is moving by and it hurts….but it is good, it has to move forward, that is how God has designed us-to live under the constraints of time. I will forever seek out babies/toddlers/ children that are around your age to see what you would be doing, what you might look like. I will never fail to think of you or who you might of been. I think it is the mama in me. I miss you terribly, and while I wish you were here, I am content you are secure with our Savior. Thinking of you every day.
                                                                                               Love Always, 
                                                                                                   Mama

  • Sunday Funday.

    The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, 
    His mercies never come to an end, 
    they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.
    Lamentations 3:22-23
    God’s word is true. His promises stand firm, and He has given us more mercy than we deserve. Today was dripping in grace, and I am thankful for a reprieve. It was the first day I did not cry through out the day, and feel burdened beyond what I could bear. So what did we do? Great question. We did weird stuff. Chad painted our fence. Because it was two shades off and he is a stud like that. We fed the kids 2 breakfasts, smores, and then lunch and headed to the cemetery to spend some time together as a family. I know it sounds morbid, but it brings us peace to spend time together there. People probably think we are bizarr-o. The boys played overthrow and fetch catch, Halle yanked all the pinwheels off the other babies graves. (soooorrrrrry). I got really irritated that people would pay to bury their child then never order a plaque for their child. It is almost like their baby is forgotten. It made me sad. I then strolled through the entire infant/ child section of the cemetery and realized there are people who have lost far more life than us. One family lost 3 babies in 3 days. One family lost 2 children in 2 years, never made it past a month old. I could go on. I won’t. It just brought me this unexplainable comfort to know there are other moms and dads out there who know this kind of pain. 
    After tearing up the memorial park, we hit up the home depot and made the boys day by spending 5 minutes in the toilet aisle. In case you don’t know us too well, our kids are a different breed. Some like chuck e cheese, ours like toilets. We are talking fascination. Then super Dad took the boys out for some ball and mama took a nap. I am writing this play by play to share with all you prayer warriors that God is hearing you and chose to say YES today. Thank you so much for loving on us and taking the time pray for us. Today was a sweet gift because of all your sweet prayer, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

  • My Happy Post

    I have been blessed with a sweet homecoming and few days home. I love seeing, hearing, hugging my littles. I am kind of, ok really a part-part time mom. Not gonna lie, I am enjoying it. I physically can’t expend more than 9 calories a day, so my options are sitting, restroom, sitting, sitting or my 20 minute walk 3 times a day. Which aren’t really happening.  I can get sloppy kisses and hugs from my squirts, laugh at the dramatic tantrums, and not be accountable for feeding one person, let alone cleaning up the kitchen hurricane that takes place after meals. I will openly complain to anyone who will listen that sleeping upright and being upright 24/7 is tortuous. Almost to the degree of watching english drama’s. (wink, wink Chad). I still smell like I came out the 1800’s and no one has kicked me out yet. 

    I want to encourage you all with a list of praises. 
    1) our wonderful church body has pooled money together for a caregiver for the 16 hours a week we need help. Like real help. We are SO thankful for the incredible generousity of our amazing church. God’s hands and feet have showered us so many times over with an abundance of love and grace, generousity. We don’t know how to thank everyone for the time and energy that has gone into meals, donating so generously to help in finding a capable woman to run the house when I am down. We met her today, and her name is Sarah. She is amazing. Basically the housewife we would all want to be. Efficient, sweet and does everything with a smile. She rocks.
    2) I can walk! It’s ugly. Still. But each day I see more of what looks like a human walking instead of a gorilla, and I am encouraged. I made it from the car to my sons preschool without falling, Thank you Lord! I have total numbness in my left leg, foot and stomach, my right leg is patchy-so please keep praying! God is choosing to answer in His time. 
    3) My nuggets have been impeccably cared for by our wonderful loving parents, friends,  and have had playdates with friends, all resulting in positive feedback and even at times, people invited them back. I know, my jaw dropped too. But friends, this is why we pray. My brood is a handful to anyone who really knows us. I am their mom and of course love them, but don’t think I don’t see the side eye from you have-it-all-together mama’s. 
    4) NO LEAKING!!!!!! Day 5, not one drop. There is an area of CSF accumulating on the top like before, but not as crazy. I find out the next step tomorrow at 2:15
    5) Coming off the pain meds. It’s hard, but God is enabling me to do it. It’s terribly uncomfortable to withdraw off of them, but hopefully after tonight, we will be on the not having chills/ hot flashes road to normalcy. Currently, I am the person in a hoodie you don’t want to run into in a back alley. Not because I am a ninja. Because I am crazy uncomortable. 

    Thank you friends for faithfully praying. I have the immense blessing of knowing God hears our hearts, hopes, desires and needs. 

    Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
          Matthew 18:19