t-7 days…

July 27th is approaching like a freight train. Not going to lie. I am having a hard time. The usual emotional girl stuff I hope. I am scared. I can’t really tell you of what though. Maybe of not being normal after? Or not waking up? Of not remembering stuff? me losing all feeling in my legs? Being a burden to everyone?  Not of dying. Although, I do think of that. That part is ok only because I know where I am going. Although it makes me sad to try and picture my babies lives without me as their mommy. Is that selfish? It makes me sad for them. B keeps telling me he doesn’t want me to go to heaven. I am totally regretting telling him what they are doing when I go away to the hospital.
Anyway, I am feeling weak. Which brings me to one of my most favorite scriptures, that I seem to only fully appreciate when I feeling like a runt.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. -2 Corinthians 12:9
God does this amazing thing when we entrust ourselves in our entirety to Him. He lets us know He has us. In little ways. Rather that be through scripture that screams to us, “I am speaking to YOU.” or through people and how they minister to your needs specifically or though a peace He gives us that surpasses all understanding. By His grace I have experienced all 3. I am recounting the many ways He carried me through the last trial, praising Him for the flawless surgery/ recovery/ care I would not trade for the world. There. I said it. He did it flawlessly last time, and I am afraid He won’t do it twice.
Please pray that I would guard my heart against that fear? My God has made me, and already ordained what is going to go down. Please pray that I would have a peace about the whole thing? And that I would remember:
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom shall I be afraid?  -Psalm 27:1