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Sweet Friends

It’s been foreverrrrr. I miss you all! I miss writing. 

Wow 2020. Wow. Excited to never see you again! It’s been too long. I have lots of excuses. The main one being I can’t think straight. Talk straight. Finish thoughts. You are welcome. Writing this post felt like mental olympics and probably confirms these admissions. Hold the bar low people. 

So much has happened! I keep looking in the clouds for Jesus, because if he was coming soon before, He has to be hovering. This world. It breaks my heart in a thousand ways. There have been so many blog posts I (PRAISE GOD) didn’t publish. In re-reading I have come to realize maybe I can be a little judgmental. And right. And a sometimes wrong on things. More than anything, I realized chirping about political climate, corruption, or oppression is divisive and that’s really not what this blog is for. That’s not what glorifies God. 

I have always been an open book and I regret not sharing with you all the many beautiful things God has given us through this past year,  trials included. 

The c word has been {enter any negative or hateful descriptive} for so many people. It’s caused unbearable pain and loss for too many, undeserved blessings for some and a universal opportunity to grow in endurance. Or the desire to pound sand. 

So many of you are sweetly checking in on me, showing myself and family so much love, please know I appreciate you! 

Time for an update. 

This last year has been good and hard. So many more blessings than trials. And even if it was not this way, God is still and always good. 

Chad is amazing. Working from home this past year was a gift, (for me at least), and it was eye opening to see all that he does and accomplishes in a day-his work ethic is as consistent as his good attitude. He is my everything and I will never stop praising God for his life and heart. 

Our spawn are thriving and truly my treasures. They don’t laugh to my face when I get frustrated trying to heat things up in the refrigerator or ask the same question for the 87th time. They are patient when I can’t find words. Their telepathy skills are on point. 

We have been given countless provisions and have amazing family and friends that God has gifted us. I could ball my eyes out right now. I don’t know why they/ you all love on me? I smell questionable most days, I forget everything and I can never reciprocate. Another great resume builder: unreliable and again, hate the whole shower-fix my face-eyebrow hunt and pluck-blow dry- hate the style-redo said style-painting of the mug…oh wait, I forgot to shave and deep life decisions ensue. Do I go back?! 

Get me? 

Back to brain. 

January 2020 was the last big surgery. Tumor doubled down and grew again. 

July of 2020 gamma knife-radio surgery on a small part of the tumor-that did not work. (Clearly) 

My MRI showed more growth back in November, and as I was not a candidate for another surgery, they decided to try and off label chemo pill. (For another cancer). The 1st 3 months were gold. No growth. The next 6…not so much. What can I say? It’s ambitious. 

The tumor is aggressive and has continued to grow despite the many efforts to axe that sucker. My MRI last month shows edema-brain is swelling. Justifies the kind of headaches that make you do very unethical things to fix. No balance, more stupid. 

I am super fun and pretty worthless 70% of the time. 

But God. 

God is who He says He is; gracious and faithful-full of mercy. Out of nowhere comes 1-3 days of easy, and for those days I am forever grateful. 

Because we have exhausted all options, the surgery they said they would not do is scheduled for Tuesday, August 31st at 1:30. 

It is high risk. We had a sobering difficult conversation with my doctor. 

I am in denial a little lot a bit. This is the 7th surgery. Each successive surgery holds higher percentages of not great things happening. 

If you ask me how I am feeling, I will tell you I am content, my heart is at peace. Fighting looking behind the curtain truthfully. What is holding Chad and I together is our trust that God has us in eternity no. matter. what. What and who does God say He is? This is where I go when I begin to walk the dark path of nonsense. I focus on what is true, and who I have entrusted my forever to. 

He is the God of creation, salvation, and love. 

He has held us this entire time and I know His timing and plan is perfect. He is incapable of making mistakes. While I am of course not looking forward to the recovery, the only place I desire to be is in His perfect will. 

Friends, please pray for us?

Specifically that: 

-God would be glorified in every step of the process. He would use this for good!

-God would guide the surgeons’ hands, give wisdom, and enable him to remove a significant amount of tumor safely. i.e. a successful surgery

-my vision would be protected

-God will gift us another blessed recovery and restore me

-God would empower Chad and our parents to take on all that comes with these recoveries. 

-The impact on others lives is minimal 

And lastly….I am just going to say it. Please pray God heals me again and brings me through another surgery safely?

I love you all. So thankful for each and every one of your souls. 

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

In His Love,

Michelle

oh and here is a visual of this beast.

Technology is rad.

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18 Comments

  • Reply Rebecca Lewis August 30, 2021 at 1:04 pm

    Oh wow. Praying sweet friend!

  • Reply Anita and Jim Cold August 30, 2021 at 1:16 pm

    Michelle please know that we have prayed for you right now and will pray again tomorrow.
    Hangs fro the Cole’s.

    • Reply Hiba August 30, 2021 at 8:27 pm

      We are all praying for you Michelle! Stay strong, we love you!!

  • Reply Shelley Coles August 30, 2021 at 1:21 pm

    Praying for you!

  • Reply Rachel Safyurtlu August 30, 2021 at 1:28 pm

    Love you, Michelle. Praying all that you’ve asked and more.

  • Reply Dearra Johnson August 30, 2021 at 1:35 pm

    Will be praying all of these prayers alongside you!!

  • Reply Linds and Bob August 30, 2021 at 1:38 pm

    You have our prayers, beautiful friend. We love you. We are here for you. Please let us help in any way we can. You are a Warrior, and you will beat this!!!!!

  • Reply Jeanne Martin August 30, 2021 at 2:10 pm

    Praying with loving care for you and yours and for all you have shared. He is ever faithful.

  • Reply Lizette Burt August 30, 2021 at 2:17 pm

    Dearest Michelle
    Please know that you are being lifted up in prayer. Praying for all you asked and God’s peace for you and your family🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • Reply Gail Campbell August 30, 2021 at 2:52 pm

    Love you and Trusting God has you and your family in His Perfect Powerful Hands. I pray for you daily for many years now, But God is everything!!!!! Thanking God in advance for the Mighty Works He will do in and through you tomorrow!!!!!

  • Reply Chiara Hawley August 30, 2021 at 3:01 pm

    Oh, Michelle. What a privilege to pray to the One we know controls all these details. Thank you for sharing so we can trust and depend. Praying for this!

  • Reply Heike Howard August 30, 2021 at 4:43 pm

    Praying for you Michelle…for your healing, comfort, and peace. ❤️

  • Reply Deborah Huffman August 30, 2021 at 5:23 pm

    Thanking you for taking the time to catch us up on you and your family, Michelle. Thank you most of all of allowing us the privilege of praying for you and giving me words to do just that. I will be praying. Trusting in God’s goodness and faithfulness. Love you, <3

  • Reply Kathy Ahearn August 30, 2021 at 5:52 pm

    Love you friend. I have been praying for you and your beautiful family for a while! On my knees for you tomorrow at 1:30pm. Thanking God for your life and the impact it has had on me. To God be all the Glory. Thankful that our God is in control.

  • Reply Daniel Spillmann August 30, 2021 at 8:06 pm

    Thx for sharing Michelle! I speak for many when I say the body of Christ is edified by your willingness and openness to share your life with us and God’s faithfulness through you. Lots of prayers coming out of Scottsdale, AZ to intercede on your behalf.

  • Reply Dani Pulido August 30, 2021 at 8:12 pm

    We are sending our love your way today, tomorrow and forever. You and your entire family has been so strong. Your positive outlook through it all is inspirational ❤️

  • Reply Debbie Maxwell August 31, 2021 at 6:29 am

    Dear Michelle, may our Lord, in His great mercy and grace, strengthen you and Chad to walk (carry) you through this valley yet again. There are many praying for you, including us! Sometimes the trials of this life are so severe, we know nothing but Christ and Him crucified …. and we just need to camp there. Much love, Debbie

  • Reply Cheryl Birch August 31, 2021 at 11:37 am

    This has been such a l o n g journey for both you and your whole family, Michelle. I have never given up on praying for a complete miracle nor will I. God is in the miracle working business and I will continue to pray for complete healing. It is so inspiring to hear your faith in Him and how you are relying totally on Him right now. He is with you and will never leave. And I agree, He makes no mistakes. He loves you so much! Please know I am praying for you throughout this day and am looking forward to hearing how God is going to carry you through, my sweet Michelle. I love you!

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