How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, oh Lord my God. Light up my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. Lest my enemies say, “I have prevailed over him.” Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have rejoiced in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Psalm 13
This is my heart. David, I get you. You were cowering in fear, in a cave, writing your heart out. I am here in a hospital bed, 6 weeks later, Still broken. Still trusting. If David, a man after God’s heart can cry out these real and true words of anguish, why would I for one second think I would be immune to pain and despair? Why not me? Let’s take it a step further, how about the pain and suffering God set on Jesus’ shoulders? Humbled. And, truthfully, having a hard day. Today is the first day I let out my ugly cry. I am pretty sure I freaked my nurse and surgeon out. They backed out of the room with their ‘think positives’ ‘it will get better’s. I wanted to tell them they could keep their words. I serve a God who is much bigger than their words of (almost) comfort. I am choosing to wait on my God for deliverance. I know His timing is perfect. Thank you Lord for being trustworthy and loving me.
My update is this: Another mini surgery tomorrow. 5-7 days including recovery. It’s that super painful lumbar drain. (Remember the terrible headaches?) Along with re opening the wound and doing a running, (tighter), stitch. These both require anesthesia. I was going to tell you all the next step, should this not work. But I believe this will work. I believe we should be approaching God’s throne of grace and mercy through prayer with bold expectation. I am asking you all to come along side me and ask, plead, beg God to give us favor and heal me. My babies and husband need me. The truth is; I need them more. Thank you friends for praying.
Brain
Psalm 13
11 Comments
Dear Michelle, I am a friend of Jen Gray. I wanted to let you know that as a mother and a wife who just went through kidney transplant surgery with several complications I can empathize with you. I have prayed for you throughout the day every day for some time now. I will continue to do this as so many others will too. You are an inspiration and we will ask God to keep you out of pain and discomfort and most importantly to return you back to your family healthy. God Bless You, Jane Grundman
Jane – you are so sweet and thoughtful to write on Michelle’s page. Thank you for encouraging her! 🙂
Michelle- you don’t know me but I have several friends who post your updates. I have been praying for you for sometime. Today I am on my knees begging God to have mercy and bring you peace and comfort. Sending many “prayer”rows up for you. -Katelyn
Your little boy Weston has been such a trooper during all of this. We pray for you often. Every time I talk to W he is upbeat and his little energetic self. They need you but as you say, you need them also. Love your family. “Mr. Jim”
Would like to come down and pray with you tonight, if you are open to that please have Chad or someone else text me. My dad (paul) has been praying and he has a pastor friend who will come down tonight and pray. 720-466-0407
Dear Michelle…. my prayers have now turned into “God, please have mercy, God please have mercy”. I can think of nothing else.
1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.
Praying for your strength (spiritual and physical) and your deliverance. May God have mercy on you and your family.
I’m praying for you, Michelle. My heart hurts hearing your pain. It reminds me so much of the weeks I spent int he hospital with Crohn’s. Thankful that the Lord is strengthening your heart to continue to fight to trust Him. You continue to bless so many even through your suffering.
This was always one of my favorite hospital verses: “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18.
You are storing up treasures in Heaven, friend. Even in your weakest times. The Lord has all your tears in His bottle and He has compassion on you. “Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” Ps. 103: 13-14.
Praying for you, sister, and your whole family.
Hi Michelle,
I am Christie Elliott’s aunt, and I am praying for you today!
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Hi Michelle,
Through Christie’s mom Bonnie, our growth group has been receiving your updates and we have been fiercely praying over you and your family. We will continue to pray to our God that he would heal you completely and give comfort to you and your loved ones. You rest heavily on my heart as you and your family endure this hardship.
Lifting you up to the Lord and expecting Him to heal you. Pleading and begging with you. I’ve been praying for you through a friend on facebook. Do not lose heart.
Hi Michelle, you don’t know me, buy I am in the kavadoy alliance small group and have been keeping abreast of what’s going on in your life. I must say you are impacting so many lives for Gods glory. And although we don’t always have answers to why certain things happen to us, trusting God as you have been doing shows us your walk w Christ is strong and God is doing mighty things thru your life for His Glory! I have read your blog today and right here on my lunch have been talking to God in prayer for you. May God comfort you, give you a true deep sense of reassurance and strength to get thru today… One day at a time. Its so encouraging to see a sister in Christ perserver for Christ even while under such physical burden! Praying for the surgeons and for all involved in your surgery. May God’s will be done.
In Him,
Faith Nenadov