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Prayer please?

Dear Sweet Friends,

Oh how I have missed you all. I have missed your prayers and encouragement. All the love. The connection of Christ’s body, my friends, family. This blog became a platform for me to share updates on myself and our family as we waded through incredibly challenging seasons. Much to my surprise, through all the pain, the Holy Spirit gave me a gift to share even though I am fairly certain I was a couple points above a vegetable. True story.

I haven’t written in so long. Like-dusty cobwebs ewh long. Keep your expectations low people. I make no promises. I am 94% sure this is not going to come out in an adult-like readable fashion.

What has kept me away: Too many excuses. The inability to think straight, hold a thought, recall super special words. People. Hello Bray-er-Chad. Everytime. Cute kids. Most of the time. Cleaning. Feeding. Headaches. The laundry circus. More laundry. Keeping said kids alive. Remembering to pick them up and deliver them according to individual schedules. Sports! Oh and did I mention laundry? It’s a lot people. These past 4 years have been crazy beautiful. Insert one of the most painful seasons we have had as a family. More fun and sweet memories than I deserve. Full of love and growing pains and lots of visits to my lovely hair magician/ person/ stylist. OH MY GRAY HAIRS. What the beans?!! Eyebrows? Really.

I am not one to ask for help. You people seem to keep offering it to me because you are amazingly loving. And I am a hot mess and I believe you are my friends. Clearly VERY forgiving, selfless, kind friends. As hard as this is to type, I am humbly asking for prayer. Not because I am above it, More like I have leaned on all your petitions so many many many times.
God has given us a wonderful, bigger than life, 4 (YES 4!) year reprieve of dealing with this tumor growth. Many praises and endless thanks!

Pics of new situation. keep in mind these are slices of my brain. As for the dark space…Explains SO MUCH. Judge away.

See hot pants? On top of double kleenex? Am I happy laughing or sad laughing right now. I dunno. Anyway, pic of the 3.

New big Bertha. Major Christmas tree ball.

Unfortunately, my old tumor is now 3 tumors. The old one, a new more aggressive one and oh-don’t forget the baby. It was originally a grade 1. Now the surgeon is saying aggressive grade 2. The other surgeon said it’s on it’s way to the next step. By definition, these tumors are stupid and slow growing. Mostly benign. Mine, not so much. The problem is one is invasive. Wrapped around my venus/ sinus. Which currently holds a blood clot/ blockage. Prime real estate. Surgery would require removal of the mesh they used to replace my skull and dealing with the blood clot, oh and remember that one time my wound wouldn’t heal and I was in the hospital for 40 days? Not in a rush to get in that line.
2 Items to note: My tumor does not respond to chemo. I am maxed out on radiation.

After talking to 4 incredible, KIND, doctors. It appears I have 2 options.
1) Laser surgery. They burn the tumor from the inside out. Only it won’t get everything. As one Dr. says, only the strongest survive. They apparently come back faster and more aggressive the more we mess with them. The problem is the most aggressive tumor is moving toward the vision area of my brain. Oh and they haven’t used this laser situation on my kind of tumor. Risks: brain swelling, hello headaches! And of course a brain bleed.
2) immunotherapy trial. This has worked amazingly well for many cancers/ tumors, however, again, it has not been used this for my kind of tumor…yet. Oh and they would need to accept me. Minor detail. Risks are developing an inflammatory illness ending in -itus. You name it. Brain swelling.

Friends, I am asking for prayer for these things, and more if you think of them:

-that God would lead us to where He wants us, treatment, Dr., etc and open the doors.
-that He would be glorified through this whole endeavor.
-that this surgery/ therapy would actually work and give me an eleventh life so I can continue to be the mother and wife He designed me to be.
-that He would open doors to share.

-Please pray for Chad. That God would give him endurance, strength and support. He works tirelessly to meet everyone’s needs. I love him.
-that we will all make it through this version of hard. Add our parents to that as well. They give us SO MUCH love, time and support.
-mostly that my children’s relationship with Christ would grow! Be solidified. They would see Jesus not just as the Savior, but THEIR Savior.

You guys: No pity. No sad face. No sulking. More faith! Let’s look to see His hand in it all. What He will do with this mess. As I write this- I am crying at Gods goodness to us. I feel guilty at looking at this next chapter with doubt. I feel foolish actually and I repent of that. God is SO. MUCH. BIGGER than my fear. My sadness. That hellish recovery gave me so more than it took. It showed me more of why I am here: to share His love and truth. The gift of salvation by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. Giving us life beyond the pain, the failing bodies, the suffering. We are here to look to an eternity so much more amazing.

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33 Comments

  • Reply Rebecca Lewis November 5, 2019 at 3:03 am

    Oh Michelle, I will be praying for all of you. Praying for wisdom for the route to go, for peace for your family, for healing and for a miracle! Love you sweet friend.

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Rebecca, I miss you girl. Thank you for your prayers and faithfulness! Hugs xx

  • Reply Cherish Morris, (Kavadoy’s neighbor) November 5, 2019 at 7:02 am

    Thank you for your openness about your season of life. We admire your faith and your journey. We are lifting you up and asking God to clearly direct your path and a strong sense of his presence with you in every step.

  • Reply Jenny Katcef November 5, 2019 at 8:16 am

    Thank you for always writing so light heartedly…hard to be sad when you are so fun and cute. In all seriousness, I will be praying! Btw, you are supermom, super wife and super daughter of the King!!

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Thank you for your prayers, they mean so much!

  • Reply Anita and Jim Cole November 5, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Dear Michelle,
    We just read your note and prayed for you.. We promise to pray for you everyday. We asked God to heal you. As you know He is good and is well able to heal you. That’s what we are praying for, plus strength for every day life tasks and joy in living a God honoring life. I know you have a wonderful support system to help you but if you ever need us to help you have only to ask, or even hint at it.
    In His Love,
    Anita and Jim Cole

  • Reply Bre Thompson November 5, 2019 at 8:50 am

    Oh sweet Michelle!! I read every word over and over again. I am praying for you! I am bringing these specific requests to the Lord on your behalf! Just the other day, I was sharing with someone from Compass HB about how your life, your faith in the midst of trials, has had such a sanctifying affect on me. God has used you to put his glory on display and he is doing it once again. I am SO thankful for you, thank you for letting us shoulder these burdens with you!! Praying sweet sister!!

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:25 pm

      This blesses me to no end Thank you so much. Big hugs.

  • Reply Bre Thompson November 5, 2019 at 8:52 am

    Oh sweet Michelle!! I read every word over and over again. I am praying for you! I am bringing these specific requests to the Lord on your behalf! Just the other day, I was sharing with someone from Compass HB about how your life, your faith in the midst of trials, has had such a sanctifying affect on me. God has used you to put his glory on display and he is doing it once again. I am SO thankful for you, thank you for letting us shoulder these burdens with you!! Praying sweet sister!!

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:27 pm

      Oh-my sweet Bre, thank you for your prayers and love. I MISS YOU. Still. I just wish you were close, but I love how God is using you. YOU are such a light for Him, always. Big hugs!

  • Reply Kathy Dumont November 5, 2019 at 9:11 am

    Michelle, this stabs me in the heart! I have not stopped praying for you (on my cancer survivor list) since your last bout/s with this nastiness. May the Lord encourage you and your whole family in His goodness and love, and may the perfect team and treatment plan come together to deal with all of this, for His glory.

    You are such a positive spokesperson for the Kingdom, even in the most difficult times. You inspire me in ways you will never know! I will be praying the specifics above as you go to battle again! May God’s peace cover you and everyone one of your loved ones; family and friends alike in yet another challenging season!

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:31 pm

      This means so much to me, I am humbled! Thank you for your constant prayers-you just have no idea how much it means to me.

  • Reply Karen Chien November 5, 2019 at 10:30 am

    Sweet friend. You are an amazing instrument in the Redeemer’s hands. Will be praying these things as you guys face the storm. Your blog name always gives me a chuckle. Yes none of us are anything near super mommies but wow can you be a super servant for the Lord to point it back to His redeeming grace in all things. Big hugs to you

  • Reply gail campbell November 5, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    You have always been daily in my prayers, mostly praises and so I will Praise Him some more, Thanking Him for all the solutions He is bringing, all the lives He is changing and all the Fruit He is multiplying in and through this current challenge.

    Praying you can rest in His Sovereignty with each step you take down this new road being sensitive to all those who need Christ along the way.

    Praying you and your family used for the harvest with open doors to speak about Christ and trusting the Holy Spirit will guide you in this.

    I want to offer help with kids when you need it, so please reach out if you have a need.

    I love you very much 🙂

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      You make me cry! You are such a beautiful godly example of grace and kindness. You are so faithful! I cannot thank you enough for you your endless prayers, encouragement. I love you too!

  • Reply Diana Roulette November 6, 2019 at 7:29 am

    From across the miles, please know that the Roulette‘s are praying for you! Shared it with all my local Southern prayer warriors as well. It is so encouraging to read your faithfulness in our great Healer with a tinge of your awesome humor! Love you my friend! ♥️♥️♥️

  • Reply Rachel Safyurtlu November 6, 2019 at 8:54 am

    Oh friend,

    I always tell you that you are one of my favorite people. You truly are. You are so easy to love. There is so much raw beauty in your words. Your love and faith for Jesus is beyond touching. You are such an inspiring example of a Christian, Michelle. The kids and I will make sure to keep you and your family in our nightly prayers. I am here for you for anything. I mean it. I love you.

    Rachel

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:35 pm

      Thank you Diana. We miss you and are so thankful for your and Mark’s prayers.

  • Reply Colls November 6, 2019 at 10:27 am

    Praying!

  • Reply Bree November 6, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    I am a friend of a friend and haven’t met you. After reading your words, I instantly felt inspired to be a better Christian. I believe in God, but have gotten off track lately and haven’t been putting Him first in my life. Having kids and getting caught up in their busyness can do that, but I’m ready to start living in His Goodness again. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart!!! You have made a difference in my life (just now)! A lot of people go through life and never experience God’s goodness and grace. I’m so thankful that you have Him to lean on and trust. I pray that He has a miracle of COMPLETE healing in store for you and your family! xoxo 😘

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Bree! You have no idea how this affects me. You just made my day. To know God will use this for good for even one person makes it ALL worth it. I am so glad to have met you internet style. I am praying for you!

  • Reply Heather Pace November 6, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    Praying for you Michelle! And for your family. I can only imagine the heaviness that you are all experiencing. Praying God is your daily strength and hope. And praying for wisdom on what to do next.

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:40 pm

      Thank you Heather. I appreciate these prayers! Welcome back:)

  • Reply Natalie Gandolfo November 6, 2019 at 3:05 pm

    Michelle, I had no idea what you were going through. I would have never guessed, you always seem like such a warrior… juggling so much even when you’re not feeling well! Don’t kid yourself…you are a super mom! I will be praying for answers and guidance for you and your doctors, praying for your complete and miraculous recovery and asking God to bless your family with love and support. We are here for whatever your family needs. I know you don’t like to ask help, but we are here if you need anything at all…please don’t hesitate: rides for the kids, errands, but you can keep all those hideous loads of laundry! (I kid!) The prayers are coming your way.

    Love, The Gandolfo Family

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:44 pm

      Awh Natalie thank you for your prayers! Serio on the laundry-I want to just start throwing it away. Cheap solution;)

  • Reply Amanda Natzke November 6, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    My sweet and beautiful friend… I’m stunned. I am so very saddened to hear this news. Please know that I am praying along side all who are praying for you! You know that God is able! Much love to you and your family.

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      Hi Amanda! Been so long. God is able-amen! Thank you for your sweet prayers.

  • Reply Gina Vaughn November 7, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    Michelle, I am so saddened by this news. We are praying for you and your family. I know you will be led down the right path and it will be the best not only for you, but for your family and your foundation. I am sending healing thoughts and prayers. All my love!! 😘😘😘😘

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Gina! I so appreciate you reaching out. Big hugs! xo

  • Reply Nonie Stoecklein November 7, 2019 at 6:55 pm

    Oh Michelle, I will put you back on my prayer list! I have prayed thanking God for what he did four years ago; but now I will step it up! I thank God for the great witness you have been, through this trial. I am praying for Chad and your children to hold fast to the Lord, during this trial. ❤️🙏🏼❤️

    • Reply Michelle White November 7, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      Thank you Nonie! All those prayers, God heard you. I can’t thank you enough. Big hugs!

  • Reply Suzette Yunek November 7, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    Praying for you Michelle, and your sweet family! We love you and will do anything to help you.

  • Reply Shelly November 8, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    You have such a gift of writing especially this intensely personal story. I wish I could reach out and give you all a gentle hug. You are so strong and have endured so much. I hope for the best decision for treatment and for the most miraculous outcome & recovery. All my love, Shelly

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