Pajamas and Victories

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:1-2
Trust. Refuge. My God.
This. This last week has most definitely been an exercise in trust. And allowing God to guard my heart from fear. The fear that comes from the unknown and the scary and the how long O’Lord? Today I praise God for the joy and peace He has graciously given myself and those caring for me as it’s become an unsteady chapter of recovery. My pajamas are my new sugar. What comes with these trials, other than wrinkles and a consistent expectancy of a new one to come, is an unspeakable faith that no matter what the outcome, He loves me. He will lead us as we lean in.
I wish this kind of love and trust for everyone-minus the burden it can put on others. For myself, this looks like a mother who has relentlessly protected and advocated for me through the entirety of this experience. Parents who love us and pray for us, drop everything to help us in any way. A husband who never leaves or complains. Makes wise decisions, is honest, and tells me when I need to shower. Friends who provide for every need and love on our family like nobody’s business. These same friends cry with me, pray for me, shower me with gifts, hugs and constant encouragement. God does not bring us to broken and leave us. When you have a real relationship with our Jesus, He brings you through the broken not to fix the situation always-but so you can experience His character. Experience His promises come to fruition. Experience how deeply He loves us and the power He exercises in provisions and how He graciously give us peace.  He changes our heart, not necessarily the circumstance. That, friends, is redemption. That is the contentment in all circumstances. If we are blessed enough, He chooses us for these faith building trials, which can allow us to share the compassion and understanding we have been shown to those whose trials are to come.This past week has been weird. I am tired. I don’t feel well. It has helped me see, yet again, I really don’t have control of what is going on or what the future might look like. I have been having more seizures. Chest pressure. Monday. Tuesday maybe? Can’t remember. We took a little trip to the ER. I had 2 bad seizures and apparently went unconscious for a bit. We were alone and Brayden had to call 911 and walk through the fear of us my mom ok? Why won’t she wake up? And be apart of yet another scary moment. He was also the one who was a part of finding Christian and experiencing that trauma. The kid, for as strong willed as he is, has had his own story. His own walk of what I pray is faith building. The doctor gave me another medicine that makes me another shade of stupid. Chad’s thrilled.  As I shared with my friend, my couch and I be like ??. I went for a walk, showered and well, those are my victories today.

Much Love,
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  • Reply Trisha Wuich February 7, 2020 at 2:44 pm

    Love you so much my friend. Continuing to pray for healing, patience and recovery in His timing. Your family is a warrior family and so much faith – building and witness to God’s glory. You are never out of our prayers sweet one!

    • Reply Michelle White February 7, 2020 at 6:00 pm

      Thank you for this beautiful message! What a comfort you are.

  • Reply Kelly February 7, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Prayers and love! Love you and so encouraged by your faith. Looking at the victories you have in Jesus and His grace each second. Thank you for making your life a glorious testimony to His power and grace! Too much to say here. Just know you are loved and prayed for and admired! ❤️❤️❤️
    “The LORD is the One who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
    -Deut 31:8

    • Reply Michelle White February 7, 2020 at 5:59 pm

      Thank you Kelly! I love that verse. Thank you for your prayers. xo

  • Reply gail campbell February 7, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    I love how no matter what you always bring God the Glory, I love how transparent you are and your giant need for Jesus in every area of your life, I love your funny wit that keeps me laughing, I love how you are using your pain as a platform to proclaim Christ, I love how God has you in the palm of His Hands and I love how Big His hands are, I love your gift of writing making me always feel as if I am in it with you, I love how your family and friends surround you and lift you up, I just love you sweet sister and I am still resting in His Sovereignty because our Father knows best and no matter what in the end He will work it all for our good and His Glory :)………….no matter how it all looks to us…….we might see the knotting and loose strings on the inside of the embroidery piece, but He sees the beautiful tapestry He is making on the outside which is our inside…………hope that makes sense 🙂

    • Reply Michelle White February 7, 2020 at 5:58 pm

      You are my encourager! You walk the walk-what a beautiful thing to witness.Thank you for all of your kind words and love Gail. All praises to our Savior!

  • Reply Jack Brammer February 7, 2020 at 6:37 pm

    Michelle and family, My prayers are for you all. The strength to endure this surely is from your faith. I pray Our Lord will further hold you closer in HIS HEALING HANDS!!!!
    Love Always,
    Uncle Jack

  • Reply Jessica O’Connell February 7, 2020 at 10:18 pm

    As I read your post. Psalm 23 keeps coming to mind. And I read recently that in order for there to be a shadow, there also must be a light. And as we know that light is Jesus, the great light of the world. Jesus walks in the valley with us. His light is also by our side. We are not alone. I am praying you feel His presence. That your sweet family also feels His presence. You are covered in prayer. I love hearing how the body of Christ is caring for you!

  • Reply Heather Pace February 25, 2020 at 1:57 pm

    Your writing gives us such a helpful peak into your world and the weight of this trial, and it makes you come to mind often… and thus prayer. Praying Michelle, for continued strength and trust, for perseverance, and for joy in the midst of much pain. Praying also for God to keep using you for his glory, and even as you mentioned your son, praying that God used these trials to shape all your children into beautiful useful tools in the hands of the Lord, just as their mom has faithfully been. Praying God does that and more through this long road you have already walked.

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