Brain, Thankful

next chapter

Just a warning, this is a boring post. If you are here for drama, feel free to wander away. I had my 3 doctor appts this last week. And the week before. My Barbara says everything is too soon to tell what the damage is, and she took more stitches out, also the nuerologist says my brain is molasses. I didn’t really need to pay the co-pay to hear this. I KNOW. All meds are the same, he didn’t change anything, for which I am thankful. He was very kind and said if I don’t have a seizure in the next 22 days, (Imightbecountingtheminutes), I can drive! Weeeee! The concern is numb feet. So I will have to figure something out in learning how to put pressure on the pedal, or something like that. The truth is my right foot was numb after the 1st surgery, and I was ok to drive. It’s not like running. Watch out people. 17 months of no driving, and I am ready to giddy-up with my mommy wagon.
Physical therapy starts next week, and I am looking forward to seeing what they can do with my tree trunks. Today, was the big day. I even got dressed up and busted out the stage makeup. Only to discover the Kaiser on Sunset was not quite what I had envisioned. As we drove past a homeless man sleeping in what I hope was his own stream of urine, I realized we weren’t in Beverly Hills darling. The one elevator was straight up broken and the other one was violently shaking, coupled with the random fire alarm blaring throughout the lobby. I met with nuero oncologist, and he was awesome. God is faithful. He said he got a headache from reading my history; newsflash! so is everyone else. He boldly and immediately said I needed radiation. Another  surgery to take out more tumor is out of the question, it could take me down. I felt a burden lifted. NO MORE slicey-slicey. Which truthfully I feared, considering how this last one went down. There is more than just a little spot of residual tumor, I didn’t realize there was a thin layer left behind that wraps around the bottom 3rd of my brain. If they leave the cells as is, they will just continue to grow. So they want to zap em. They are digging up the piece of tumor they sent a portion of to pathology, and are requesting UCLA to re-grade. They initially classified it as a slow growing benign tumor, but the tumor isn’t following the rules. It’s more aggressive in nature, and leaving it as is, is well, breeding ground for another surgery, or potentially brain cancer. They are thinking it might possibly be a grade 2, or something else. I am not worried. Truthfully, it was a sigh of relief and he affirmed many things. This was what I had prayed specifically about. That God would give him wisdom to know how to proceed. And that he did. The guy had his stuff together, and I am thankful, thankful, thankful.
So I have an MRI with fusion in the next week or so, an appt with the radiation doctor, need to get fitted for the facial mask, and prepare myself for 6 weeks of radiation, specifically radiosurgery and stereotactic radiation, 5 days A WEEK. The fun part is I get to pick a Kaiser-either Ontario or shadeball LA. Each about an one hour and half each way. At the conclusion of the 6 week period they have warned me I will be very tired for the few months following. The risks are brain damage, the fact it may not shrink the tumor or possibly not even work. The bigger risk is causing subsequent tumors. Should this not work, the next step would be a kind of chemo. I am not going to lie and say I am not overwhelmed. I am. My trust is in The Great Physician who ordains and oversees all things, including this next step. If He has cared enough to hear us in this last mud run, I know He will be merciful to hear us and guide us through the next stage.
Please pray there will be no seizures and I will be SAFE to drive and be protected with all the driving. It would really be great to be able to drive to these appointments by myself. I love being chauffered and all, but 3 hours in a car seems like a long time to make small talk.
Please pray I will not be a burden and God would show me grace in recovery.
Please also pray that I would be able to march through this next leg content, and grateful, with a happy heart.
Pray that my husband and children would be stable and unaffected.
Lastly, please pray God would use this for good.
Thank you all my wonderful, loving prayer warriors.

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  • Reply D.K. Maxwell July 26, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Dear Michelle, this really is specific answer to prayer. Your doctor needed wisdom and a plan! Praise God, so happy he is against another surgery!
    Hope you are able to go to the Ontario Kaiser… have been to the “Hollywood” Kaiser….. and you are right, not quite what one would expect 🙂 I think I would rather face the 91 or the 10 freeway v/s L.A. traffic any day!
    Thank you for sharing all the details; it is certainly not boring!

  • Reply D.K. Maxwell July 26, 2014 at 8:41 am

    1 Corinthians 12:21-26 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

    • Reply Michelle July 26, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      such comforting truth Debbie. Thank you for that! Also thank you for your support and prayers. ALWAYS. You are so faithful.

  • Reply Lisa Reed July 26, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I wrote a post and it vanished, so if it reappears then you read it twice 🙂 As I was saying, what an encouragement you have been as you endure this trial, for so many months yet you remain strong and courageous! Your transparency is awesome, it helps us to pray even more so for your heart and mind to remain focused on the great redeemer, the great physician, the perfect God of peace. I would be happy to drive you 1 day a week to LA or Ontario (we are so blessed to live in OC – it gives even more to be thankful for when driving to these 2 locations ;-)) Seriously, I will take 1 day to drive you in peace and quiet, no need for small talk 🙂 I consider it a privilege to serve you, no sacrifice at all – please keep me on the list to serve you in this way. Praying for you, your husband and his continued perseverance and for your sweet babies who love you so – God’s ways are perfect, His plans for a purpose – may he be glorified in all of this! Love you sister. I am finishing the biography of Darlene Diebler Rose (Carlynn spoke on her) so good, so rich. During her continued trials she understood that God “wanted to refine her, make her like pure gold, even if he had to take her through the fire 7 times.” God has great plans for you too Michelle, you are a testimony to many..

    • Reply Michelle July 26, 2014 at 10:19 pm

      Thank you Lisa-so overcome. Thank you for offering to drive and being such an encouragement to me. I promise I will take you up on it if I am unable to get there:) I will try to not do that though! I will have to get a copy of that book.I am honored you would think of me in reference to her. Unworthy! I must be slow to be refined. xoxo

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