Happy New Year 2020+ 10

Hi friends. Cheers to a NEW YEAR! Praise the Lord we all made it. I hope you had a joy-filled peaceful Christmas and New Years. If you had a break with kids, high five. You did it.

warning: longest post ever.

My prayers for this next year-for all of us reading, (myself included), are to pursue Christ and His agenda more aggressively. I have been told soft goals are immeasurable. I.E. I want to eat less chocolate. What is less?
This is a friends issue btw. Solid goal: I want to eat chocolate 1 x a week vs. 10.
Again. A friends issue.
My goal-read Gods word each day-write down the application of what I read. Serve or meet needs of at least one person/ family a week. Also, I am going to commit to reading one book a month because I am what you call an overachiever. Lastly, workout, or “challenge” my body. Due to the jiggle in my wiggle, it is time to get all south county and sweat. I had to type that out and express the goal.

There are so many praises. As in: no way to share the depth of answered prayers as they have affected so many lives on many levels. My gratitude transcends hugs, words, notecards for all your prayers. I am not saying prayers change God’s will, however, they sure encourage the display of His power. His mercy. His perfect and good character.

Rhonda is thriving. She is amazing: Walking, eating, pushing herself to do tasks and new things each day. She is going to be back to good by the grace and love of God. It’s not just her he has shown great kindness to, we all enjoy this miraculous recovery together and we get more of her.

Our Pastor reminded us this last weekend more time on earth is not the hope or end game. Happiness is not the goal. Our prayers and hearts need to be set on eternity, what happens when we take our last breath. Our purpose needs to be focused on Christ’ plan, not only our hopes. This was a good reminder that while we are encouraged to approach the throne with confidence,  our thinking and prayers need to align with His will for our lives. Submitting to His plan for us and what He chooses. His will is us sharing the gift of Salvation, the gospel.

That said, I want to share my hope. For this life and eternity to follow. How exactly have we gotten through the seemingly impossible trials? My faith. God’s promises and ultimate gift.

God is our one and only God.
He is our Creator. God is Holy, perfect in everything, in every way. Because He is perfect He is perfectly just. He must be separate from us and punish sin Hell: Eternal separation from His love, promise of perfection and a life forever void of sin, temptation, pain and suffering. We cannot exist with Him unless we are perfect and can live out a sinless life. Spoiler alert-we can’t.
He IS LOVE. His love is most beautifully displayed to us through the gift and sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus. He gave up His position in Heaven to live out the perfect, sinless life, be crucified and resurrected. Our sins are cancelled out due to His perfect obedience and should we put our faith and trust in the act of His sacrifice on the cross and resurrection, that it is ENOUGH. We too can be given the gift of forgiveness and Salvation: an eternity resting in perfection and joy. The response is naturally to turn away from the sin in our life, and live our lives for His glory, submit to His plan.

If this is not your heart, I beg you to dig deep and truly consider what you believe and why? Are you sure? There is no judgement on my end. just pray for God to reveal Himself to you. He isn’t going to show up all genie like and freak you out. I promise. He will put this on your heart, in your mind. My desire for you all to share my hope, faith and trust to a very real God. Thank you for reading my heart.

Surgery is set for January 21st at 7:30 am. I received an upsetting call from the first one who said the surgery was not a good idea. He strongly encouraged me to not move forward with surgery with anyone and proceeded to appeal to me by listing every single reason this was an extremely risky surgery and how could I do this to my family?

All the fears I had given to God and graciously been given peace about. This stirred up good ole…you guessed it-fear. I am going to perfectly real with you all, in my humanity, I am fighting anxiety big time right now. I mean FIGHTING. It’s a physiological experience, not necessarily a conscious one. I trust God’s leading me to this next path. I know He is faithful. He is trustworthy. He is with me at all times! I wake up, heavy chest, panicky mindset over nothing. Lets’s not even talk about trying to fall asleep. Breakfast? Did I order toilet paper? The important things in life. When I dare to begin to entertain the thoughts of what if? Have we used up His mercy? Can He really redeem this next step and bring me through? OF COURSE He can. But if He doesn’t-is my faith big enough to submit to His will? I am totally disappointed in myself. What an ignorant thought considering all He has given us! All I just shared with you and every single ridiculously generous answer to prayer. I promptly pray, confess, and remind myself of the reality of where my faith lies. And that my faith is big enough to trust Him with every detail.  Most of what I am anxious about is-Am I doing everything I can to relieve the burden where possible? What can I do to make this next season manageable?

Exhausting.

This is a constant look into the depths of my heart and redirecting of thoughts. Chad has endured a very challenging life trial with his mom, now me. Our parents share this burden as well. I think we are all running  on empty navigating seeking and petitioning Gods wisdom and will in my future as well as Rhonda’s. Please continue to pray.
-protection over our hearts and marriage
-Chad-steadfastness, energy, peace
-Children-That their hearts would be at peace, That their faith would grow, and can just be children through this next season

-that I would heal quickly and without complications so that He will be glorified and His goodness would be on display and I can get back to the roles He has assigned me

-for the surgeon, wisdom focus and that God would be at the center of every piece of this surgery

-anything else you can think of

I love you all so so much. Whether or not I know you, I love you. thank you all for your prayers, acts of love, care for myself and family. I will just never be able to share my gratitude.
xo