Half way update!

Do I celebrate? Or tuck myself in bed and call it a day? Content with chips and sparkling water…Crazy headaches, nausea, exhaustion, and generally not feeling too hot has taken up residency. I am on steroids now, and they have helped the headaches in a big way. Now I will inherit fat face, which comes free gift with steroids. What a deal;)  Along with, well…

this has been happening since last week.  And this is what’s left of it. I still have hair, just dramatically less in certain spots, and none in certain spots.  And it just keeps coming out. I would be lying if I said I didn’t really think I would be the anomaly. It is hard to watch a part of what of physically defines you as a woman slip through your fingers, pun intended. I took a picture because I am trying to process…this most likely will be permanent hair loss. And it’s just the beginning. They are radiating a good size portion of my brain, with a larger dose of radiation. Because the larger thinner section is so close to scalp, the hope of it growing back isn’t too positive. I am not going to pretend it doesn’t bother me, nor do I want to celebrate it with cake and a razor. I want to grieve this so I can move forward. I can’t cry in self pity or even verbally complain. Not because it’s not a big deal, because to me, it is. Maybe, because God has graciously placed me on a bus. A bus where I watch people that may or may not pull through. And they may or may not lose their locks. I hear all their life stories and realize how blessed I am to have hope. Hope of redemption. Assurance that I know where I will spend eternity. I posted a couple days ago, Asking for prayer. Desiring the opportunity to share Jesus with people. I actually was given that providential span of time, open ears and a man who was truthful about how he felt about a living God who by our standards isn’t fair.

I am thankful we have an amazing, faithful God who promises to hear our prayers when they are in His will, thus giving me the time to share His good news, and urgency that comes with the hearing the gospel.  We share an unusual realization of our mortality. His, more serious of course. He heard me, did a lot of nodding, talking, sharing…and I realized what precious words were exchanged. Only God could have orchestrated this. A 50 something man I have known for a little more than one week, sharing a very vulnerable and unsure area of his life and thoughts with a 31 year old girl. I was humbled. And again, grateful God heard all your prayers. This has put hair loss and a promised eternity in God’s presence in it’s rightful place. A holy God is a just God. A just God is a good God. How satisfying it is to have placed our lives in the hands in the One who saves.