Just a warning, this is a boring post. If you are here for drama, feel free to wander away. I had my 3 doctor appts this last week. And the week before. My Barbara says everything is too soon to tell what the damage is, and she took more stitches out, also the nuerologist says my brain is molasses. I didn’t really need to pay the co-pay to hear this. I KNOW. All meds are the same, he didn’t change anything, for which I am thankful. He was very kind and said if I don’t have a seizure in the next 22 days, (Imightbecountingtheminutes), I can drive! Weeeee! The concern is numb feet. So I will have to figure something out in learning how to put pressure on the pedal, or something like that. The truth is my right foot was numb after the 1st surgery, and I was ok to drive. It’s not like running. Watch out people. 17 months of no driving, and I am ready to giddy-up with my mommy wagon.
Browsing Category
Thankful
This week is VBS for our church. My sweet faithful friend has offered to wrangle up my people, all with her brood and cart them all to church. {without me} True love right there. This last year she has taught me so much about friendship and sisterhood, and being real and I love her. Smooches M. I have been blessed with the best of the best in the friendship department, and ya know what? I am grateful. As a lonely 7th and 8th grader who had no friends and bad hair, I still remember the painful void and insecurity middle school brought with all it’s big girl problems and did I mention? no friends. Today I stand a whole lot older, {with bad hair}, but my heart is full, and I see had God not given me the stark contrast I would not see the blessing of friendship He has graciously poured out. You people who love us, encourage us and care for us…you have given us such an incredible gift. Thank you for your friendship and care. It will be a great day when I am able to reciprocate and do the same for you.
Remember all the talk and prayer needed for a functioning shunt? Here’s why we needed that miracle to work:
Cat scan #9
see the flat titanium plate on top? Cool beans.
Cat scan/ MRI #10 (a week later)
Yep. The little dent/ bump on top was the exit route for the CSF. The black space on top of my brain is fluid smashing my brain. Not like I have that much to work with anyway, but, ya know. I would like to salvage whatever brain power I have.
Back to why I posted- results!!! You all have so kind to ask. The very expensive nuclear 4 day test I took last week, (I pray we don’t have to pay for), showed the shunt IS working!!! No more leaky-leaky. Thank you praying friends! Wow. Overcome with gratitude. What a perfectly answered prayer. This means I am home for good, Lord willing. The next big hurdle is figuring out what we can do with this remnant:
I have been blessed with a sweet homecoming and few days home. I love seeing, hearing, hugging my littles. I am kind of, ok really a part-part time mom. Not gonna lie, I am enjoying it. I physically can’t expend more than 9 calories a day, so my options are sitting, restroom, sitting, sitting or my 20 minute walk 3 times a day. Which aren’t really happening. I can get sloppy kisses and hugs from my squirts, laugh at the dramatic tantrums, and not be accountable for feeding one person, let alone cleaning up the kitchen hurricane that takes place after meals. I will openly complain to anyone who will listen that sleeping upright and being upright 24/7 is tortuous. Almost to the degree of watching english drama’s. (wink, wink Chad). I still smell like I came out the 1800’s and no one has kicked me out yet.
I want to encourage you all with a list of praises.
1) our wonderful church body has pooled money together for a caregiver for the 16 hours a week we need help. Like real help. We are SO thankful for the incredible generousity of our amazing church. God’s hands and feet have showered us so many times over with an abundance of love and grace, generousity. We don’t know how to thank everyone for the time and energy that has gone into meals, donating so generously to help in finding a capable woman to run the house when I am down. We met her today, and her name is Sarah. She is amazing. Basically the housewife we would all want to be. Efficient, sweet and does everything with a smile. She rocks.
2) I can walk! It’s ugly. Still. But each day I see more of what looks like a human walking instead of a gorilla, and I am encouraged. I made it from the car to my sons preschool without falling, Thank you Lord! I have total numbness in my left leg, foot and stomach, my right leg is patchy-so please keep praying! God is choosing to answer in His time.
3) My nuggets have been impeccably cared for by our wonderful loving parents, friends, and have had playdates with friends, all resulting in positive feedback and even at times, people invited them back. I know, my jaw dropped too. But friends, this is why we pray. My brood is a handful to anyone who really knows us. I am their mom and of course love them, but don’t think I don’t see the side eye from you have-it-all-together mama’s.
4) NO LEAKING!!!!!! Day 5, not one drop. There is an area of CSF accumulating on the top like before, but not as crazy. I find out the next step tomorrow at 2:15
5) Coming off the pain meds. It’s hard, but God is enabling me to do it. It’s terribly uncomfortable to withdraw off of them, but hopefully after tonight, we will be on the not having chills/ hot flashes road to normalcy. Currently, I am the person in a hoodie you don’t want to run into in a back alley. Not because I am a ninja. Because I am crazy uncomortable.
Thank you friends for faithfully praying. I have the immense blessing of knowing God hears our hearts, hopes, desires and needs.
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Matthew 18:19
It hit me. May is not my favorite month. In fact, this month gives me the burn/ itch. May holds too many expectations, failed, yet to be fulfilled, and impossible to appropriately meet. 2 of my best friends birthday’s fall in this month. 2 great days to praise God for the gift of their life and the many ways they have made life so much more joyful! Yet they both live far away. Next, we have Mother’s day. We unargueably have the best mothers on the planet. They deserve their own day. But for some reason each year, it always gets sliced weird. They get the mangled crust with a cute homemade gift. Not long enough cards. They deserve the world, and then a week at the spa for all they give to us, all the countless ways they generously love us. Usually the day after or 2, is our Anniversary. May 13. Poor wedding planning on our part. We then have our baby Christian’s Birthday. May 14. A day that brought so much hope last year. Our baby would be one. It would be a bold lie to say anything other than I would give anything to ambien my way through the pain, and sadness this month holds. Celebrating seems so off color. Pressing on in my own strength would be a joke, so God has graciously gifted our family with mothers, fathers, family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, pastors, nurses, doctors, teachers to spur us/ me on. To encourage us, and to show us He is here. He is meeting each need before we even have the chance to panic or plan for a solution. He is hearing my heart be poured out before Him and showing me moment by moment how He is going to carry me/ us through. In the times where the suffering is insurmountable-He swiftly gives me the mercy needed to keep breathing. I notice He does this after I see the need. Most of the time, He just gives me what is so unnatural-peace. People I would have never otherwise known, but through His perfect hand, have come alongside me to specifically encourage and fill my heart with His promises and know exactly what scripture to point me to. Hugs, cards, flowers, meals, prayers. People I would have never had the pleasure of knowing had I not endured previous painful trials. And that is so the nature of our big and unsearchable God. Using brokeness, to heal deeper brokeness, to bring us to an ever full and perfect redemption. God will not let me sit here and declare self pity, up in arms at what seems like injustice. This mother’s day my heart is aligned with His and I declare my allegiance to Christ and His work with the life He has breathed into me. He is changing my heart, sustaining me, and giving me far more than I could have ever known to pray for. He is showing me His glory through this recovery and what-feels-like-a-marathon-life-trial. Today I see my God bigger than ever, and worthy of being trusted. I pray that when you look back and take stock of your life and blessings today, you too will see exactly what God has entrusted you with, and the many mercies He has graciously bestowed upon you.