Fair warning-I am all over the place and you can bet your socks all below is much of the same.

Tears and tears and more buckets of tears. I am so overwhelmed with ALL the love. Friends, friends of friends-friends of friends of friends…your love is God’s love and it is so real I can taste it. Thank you my blessings!

This is who and what you are. I am a feeler. Whatever positive or negative purpose this serves it is what I am. Not who, I will not be defined by that, but it is how God made me. Whatever you feel deepest for or about, the way I feel now trumps that 1000%. This experience, seeing God’s work, His love on display so evidently through this trial makes every headache and sacrifice worth it.

This tumor…as hard as this reality has been through the last 10 years, has given me so much more than what it has taken. How could I ever know God’s love for me without feeling His presence, love, spankings, love, wisdom, love, protection, love and then His love yet again?

We hear these convicting/ convincing/ compelling sermons from time to time about our purpose, or gifts, or our mission field. I think in the middle or end of the sermon we respond with a heart of use me! Anything God!

And then maybe we don’t follow up on that. Speaking for myself here also people. I can encourage you from experience, do not be afraid of how He chooses to use and bless you. He equips and empowers you to do and endure what He chooses to use you for.

My prayer for all of you is to see God, not me through this trial. That you would see Him for who He is. The Creator/ our creator/ your creator. That you would accept you are His. With that you would trust in the blood and resurrection of our Christ as payment and promise of eternity. Friends, we are His-God has complete control and protection of our souls here on earth and and forevermore.

I give them eternal life and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all and no one can snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

-John 10:28-30

This truth is the core of my peace, my comfort, and my complete ability to surrender. I don’t know that I could ever have made it to this point without knowing and trusting in His sovereign nature and everlasting love for me.

Onto the what if’s.

Ugghhh. I never play that game. NOT.


Unfortunately those are our, my, natural response to circumstances we truly have zero control over. We have to turn those fears, (because let’s be honest that’s what they are), into the opportunity to go back to who God says He is and His ever faithful promises. This is what deepens our trust and faith.

So…what if I make the wrong decision?

He is God who promises to give wisdom.

If anyone of you lacks wisdom ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given to Him.

James 1:5

What if I lose everything?

He is a God who provides. Manna anyone? Jesus?

What if I am in danger/ might get hurt?

He is a God who protects.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

        From where does my help come?

    My help comes from the LORD,

        who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

        he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

        will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

-Psalm 121:1-6

So many verses and promises to help ease our anxious hearts. I share these with you because these are my truths. And this is what I turn to. I pray you will too…we all will be in this corner or the 57 other kinds of corners Satan tries to put us in. We need Him!

While I don’t hope that you all are in THIS situation, I do wish this blessing on everyone. I pray for deepened faith, love and prayers where you can experience God as I do. Truly this is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. My family and friends included. This is their trial too.

Thank you again from the bottom of my my lovelies. I am excited to see what God will do!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say REJOICE!!!

-Philippians 4:4

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  • Reply Lizette January 31, 2022 at 2:10 pm

    I’m weeping as I read this, you ALWAYS POINT US TO HIM!! Thank you for being willing to be used by Him. Thank you for sharing this with us. He is glorified through you and through this trial. Your trust and love for Him makes me love Him and you more. May you and your sweet family and all that has read your posts be blessed by what He is doing! Again thank you for allowing us into this journey. Praying fervently for you and this.

  • Reply Kathy Ahearn January 31, 2022 at 2:34 pm

    Love you friend. Deeply. I have been praying daily for you and your beautiful family. Thank you for reminding me that our God is mighty, everlasting with the power to save. No matter what

  • Reply Cheryl Birch January 31, 2022 at 3:15 pm

    My dear Michelle – I am welling up with emotion from hearing your heart overflowing with thanksgiving and your keen understanding of the love and greatness of our God. My heart and prayers are with you every step of the way, Michelle, and I know God is perfect and good in all that He does. He is loving, merciful, and mighty to us all! Your life has been a beacon of light for us who have not walked your walk. We see God’s hand in yours carrying you through with His mighty love and gentle spirit. I and so many others are here to lift you and your family up in prayer and carry you through this time of uncertainty. God will be glorified!!!

  • Reply Kelly January 31, 2022 at 7:32 pm

    Love you and am thankful to God for how He is using you as a BRIGHT LIGHT of Jesus in everyone’s lives He connects you with! Thank you for the encouragement and edification you always give us to keep our eyes on Jesus and our hope in Him! Praying for you for the God of miracles to work mightily to bring healing according to His good and perfect will! Love you sweet sister!

  • Reply Donna Sellers January 31, 2022 at 9:37 pm

    Dearest Michelle,
    GOD has made an amazing godly woman when HE made you! You always point us to our Creator who knows every detail of us because HE has woven us together, HE also gives wisdom when one asks as you have said. Praying that your doctor has been given GODs wisdom for you tomorrow. Praying that GOD will protect you as HIS child. Praying that HIS plan for you tomorrow and each day ahead is fulfilled for HIS purpose and HIS glory. You bring HIM so much praise and glory and your strength is so strong because of how much you love HIM and HIS love for you. You are a light for HIM to all. May HE bless you with HIS amazing grace and mercy tomorrow!

  • Reply Jenny February 1, 2022 at 9:23 am

    Praying for you now and through out the day. For your surgery, for your family and for your mission in being such a great example of trusting God in this world when it’ s natural to worry. Love you and our whole HFG is praying for you along with thousands upon thousands of other!

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