Fresh and new tag lines are not my game. I hope this post finds you all well. 2 week post op appt happened yesterday. Well, back up. Can we talk about what a pleasure I have been these past 2 weeks? I have been passenger number one on the struggle-bus. I am all about authenticity, and today friends, I share more than I have in the latter days. I share to show His grace is enough. At the end of the minute, hour, day, did He leave me? Am I right where He has me? Or did I slip between the cracks and am suffering without His notice?
Even though this has been by far the hardest recovery, He loves me and cares for me. Still. I am under His good protection and mercy and I stand by my hearts desire to be nowhere but in my Savior.
I share my heart to encourage all of you walking through your own labyrinth of hard. My comfort and confidence is in my all powerful Jesus. I hope my deep dependence is contagious and you too will find peace amidst your own battles.
Because you all so sweetly ask and lovingly check in, I will give another update. My personal recovery looks like buckets of humility, pain, a lot of discomfort, me being all the unbecoming things.
God brings me to this verse far too often. It consistently brings me much comfort and I want to share with you all.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-2 Corinthians 12:8-10
All day, every day. But especially in these last days.
I am still on steroids, which help with pain and inflammation but give me the nervous energy of a toddler on red dye.
People-I cleaned window sills and baseboards. Who am I?
These steroids don’t allow my body and brain to rest which is desperately what I need.
As I wean off these crack pills, I need prayer for God’s help in allowing me to not be overburdened with pain.
Speaking of-next item for the complaint department are pain pills. (God bless them). And then the opposite. I hate that they are the only thing that can help. They make me feel horrible and nasty and yet able to function all at once. I have been fighting taking them thus chasing pain, which seems to never work out. (Quick learner here)
Figuring out a weaning schedule with another Dr. Thursday. I think my surgeon got annoyed with me-thus the hot potato.
Lastly, the pathology came back yesterday. Grade 2. It was a grade 1 (shockingly) for allll those years-and now moved to a grade 2. I don’t think that’s that’s a good thing, but I believe the positive is if it grows back, I qualify for other trials with that new grade.
The tumor board meets Friday over what is next. Truthfully, I appreciate their input, but I am giving myself a break. My body needs a rest from everything. Except chocolate. And cuddles. I love you all and am so thankful for your prayers, meals, love and thoughtfulness towards myself and my familia.