It hit me. May is not my favorite month. In fact, this month gives me the burn/ itch. May holds too many expectations, failed, yet to be fulfilled, and impossible to appropriately meet. 2 of my best friends birthday’s fall in this month. 2 great days to praise God for the gift of their life and the many ways they have made life so much more joyful! Yet they both live far away. Next, we have Mother’s day. We unargueably have the best mothers on the planet. They deserve their own day. But for some reason each year, it always gets sliced weird. They get the mangled crust with a cute homemade gift. Not long enough cards. They deserve the world, and then a week at the spa for all they give to us, all the countless ways they generously love us. Usually the day after or 2, is our Anniversary. May 13. Poor wedding planning on our part. We then have our baby Christian’s Birthday. May 14. A day that brought so much hope last year. Our baby would be one. It would be a bold lie to say anything other than I would give anything to ambien my way through the pain, and sadness this month holds. Celebrating seems so off color. Pressing on in my own strength would be a joke, so God has graciously gifted our family with mothers, fathers, family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, pastors, nurses, doctors, teachers to spur us/ me on. To encourage us, and to show us He is here. He is meeting each need before we even have the chance to panic or plan for a solution. He is hearing my heart be poured out before Him and showing me moment by moment how He is going to carry me/ us through. In the times where the suffering is insurmountable-He swiftly gives me the mercy needed to keep breathing. I notice He does this after I see the need. Most of the time, He just gives me what is so unnatural-peace. People I would have never otherwise known, but through His perfect hand, have come alongside me to specifically encourage and fill my heart with His promises and know exactly what scripture to point me to. Hugs, cards, flowers, meals, prayers. People I would have never had the pleasure of knowing had I not endured previous painful trials. And that is so the nature of our big and unsearchable God. Using brokeness, to heal deeper brokeness, to bring us to an ever full and perfect redemption. God will not let me sit here and declare self pity, up in arms at what seems like injustice. This mother’s day my heart is aligned with His and I declare my allegiance to Christ and His work with the life He has breathed into me. He is changing my heart, sustaining me, and giving me far more than I could have ever known to pray for. He is showing me His glory through this recovery and what-feels-like-a-marathon-life-trial. Today I see my God bigger than ever, and worthy of being trusted. I pray that when you look back and take stock of your life and blessings today, you too will see exactly what God has entrusted you with, and the many mercies He has graciously bestowed upon you.
Category: Thankful
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Juicin’
In the sports arena, this would mean testicle shrinkage, and premature balding. Oh and bigger muscles. But in the White house, this means more energy, a whole lotta dinero being dropped at hippie vegetable selling markets and a lot of labor for one cup of liquid vegetables. This miracle juice makes all kinds of promises…so I had to try it out since everyone is doing it, and I am a follower like that.
It will use up every square ince of fridge space
It will take you 15 minutes to prep/ put together a recipe
It will take you 2 minutes to actually shove the stuff through the shoot, the fun part.
15 minutes to choke down this madness
Oh and surprise! You have another 15 minutes of dishwashing ahead of you. Don’t worry, you get to start this runaround 1 hour later because you are STARVING. People who say it fills them up, you LIE. This disruption in normal lifestyle does give you an energy boost equivalent to a pot of coffee, tried and true. I don’t know about the weightloss because everything is still a little flabby. My skin is no clearer, and truthfully I am starting to doubt all this hooplah is worth it. Knuckles to all you diehards out there.
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Commitment
Marriage is a gift. Is it not? If you aren’t crazy about your partner in matrimony at the moment, hang in there. To stop and think-God chose this man for ME. He CHOSE him for me and me for him. Wow. It is a beautiful thing. Granted, I have not been married a lifetime, or let’s be honest…haven’t even crossed the 10 year threshold. Regardless, I think we have been through enough in this life to see the abundant blessing in a marriage renewed by putting our faith in Christ. I happen to LOVE my husband, and if we are being honest, I like him just as much. Yes, we have endured crazy life trials, loss, and ups and downs, but truth be told, we have seen the rainbow more times than we deserve or can possibly begin to count. Our love is true. It is authentic. We love, we argue (sometimes), we depend on eachother, and we are committed. He loves me with grey hair, no hair, some makeup, no makeup, snot bubbles and even my rapidly increasing face wrinkles. He laughs with me, cries with me, and holds my hand always. It is a joy to be “committed” to my hunk of a husband.
Which brings me to my next point in a round about way. In September, an extraordinary photographer, (and very good friend), Josh Elliott, gave us a beautiful gift. I opened the door to a beautiful plant and card letting us know he wanted to gift us a commitment shoot. This is something we would never have been able to splurge on. Which made it even more special to us.
The day started with a surprise professional make up/ hair session Josh arranged, stealth style. No before pictures-sorry peeps. It was ugly. We then met and he began taking a lot of pics. You would think kissing and being all smoochy smoochy would be all awkward in front of a very dear friend-no? Well, it was in fact NOT awkward at all. I am sure the bial was creeping up Josh’s throat, but hey-he is a professional photographer- so he is used to some of this romantical-ness. And he was super professional and made us laugh and stuff. It was fun! Like an engagement session re-do. B/C we were kind of losers the first round. Here is the fruit of his crazy skills. I am not apologizing for flooding the blog with pics of me & my #1. 😉
I don’t really know what was so funny, my man is just straight charming. He keeps me laughing always. I love you always Big Stink. Happy Mama. Many, many, many thanks to Josh. You are such a precious friend to us. We love you! I will always look at these pictures with immense gratitude. xoxoPhotos courtesy of Josh Elliott Photography http://joshelliottstudios.com/
Makeup by 10.11 Makeup http://1011makeup.com/
Jewelry by g2g designs http://shopg2g.com/ -
6 months
Sweet Christian,
Tomorrow, it has been 6 months. The time is crawling by, and I miss you terribly. These last few weeks have been sad for me. We set up the Christmas tree and I lost it. My heart screams “you should be HERE! Ripping the ornaments off the tree, tearing open wrapped presents, making this Christmas the merriest…” My mind knows God knows better. Your brothers ask about you and continue to talk about you. In fact, they say they are thankful for you. And they want to get you a Christmas gift. Halle is obsessed with babies, specifically little ones that are sleeping. Sometimes I wonder if she is looking for you. I want to tell her you are no longer a baby. At least not ours. But still, I think about what you might look like, what you would be doing. You would most likely be crawling, making funny faces and loving your new found food. What you are enjoying right now is far better than jarred carrots, and a life here.
Mine and your daddy’s prayer, before you were born, was that your life would make an impact for God’s kingdom. We assumed you were this miracle baby that we would have a lifetime to watch grow up and hopefully make a difference on this side of life. We never thought for one minute it would actually be your death, that would take hold of the microphone so to speak. You have not been taken from us in vain. You see Friday, God gave me an abundance of love and strength to do what I never thought was humanly possible. Share my testimony of Salvation, life after loss, and what and where our true hope is, with other mommy’s in a big group. By His grace, I was able to stand up and share how good our Abba is. Amidst all the trials, pain…it was losing you that is the most devestating. God has been faithful to show us some good that has come from you crossing the threshold into eternity, before us.
My love, you have forever changed my life. For the better. Through grieving the loss your life, and seeing the fruit that is coming from you going to be with God, your daddy and I have an unspeakable peace. It is not the peace that comes before entering a trial. It is the kind where we are continually riding the waves of grief, but we are in a boat now, protected from the despair and fear grief brings. The waters are no longer murky and deep, we can see a little further down and forward. We can taste the calm. These past few days I have taken mental inventory of the countless good God has graciously given us. We are so thankful for so many reasons, but today sweet child, I am thankful for the way God has eternally blessed me by your life and homecoming. I miss you always, and love you more than will ever know.
Mama
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It happened. I knew the day was coming. My oldest makes random announcements of Christian’s passing to people we meet or know and while it is uncomfortable for them, I breathe a sigh of relief. Because, I know that is a burden relieved off his big mending heart. He doesn’t break down and cry, he doesn’t say it isn’t fair, he just wants people to know he lost his brother, a baby whom he loved. “My baby brother died”, is actually what he says. And today, he announced it to his entire class of 34 kids when he had the floor. God has shown this mama great mercy in giving me boys who show love and compassion but do not express emotion in a way I am not capable of handling.
In Brayden sharing, his teacher took the opportunity to talk about his loss and a couple other children shared they too have lost a sibling. Older, in birth, in their mommy’s tummy, etc. A sad day for her, I am sure. I praise God for the fact He has allowed B and W to see and feel the value of life and the need for redemption. Christian’s passing has created an organic longing in all our hearts to be reunited with our Savior, whose work on the cross will make all things right. And of course to be reunited with our sweet Christian again. That day shall be a day of rejoicing!“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor shall there be crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.“
Revelation 21:4
