Category: random

  • A switch story.

    Let there be light. 

    One day, I flipped the switch, a spark flew, and I almost melted. Ok, not really melted, but it was dramatic. Being the decisive person I am, I chose a light fixture only after 2.5 months of no light. I then harassed my poor husband into installing this beauty. C will be the first to announce instructions written by robots LIE. (They said 1 hour I believe), 4 and half hours later and with the help of an ex-electronics engineer from the marine core, (thank you Steve!!) This opening of the heavens was a functioning member of our household. I can’t tell you how I want to jump for joy at the flip of a switch.

  • A target story

    Driving around running errands with 2 ancy pants under the age of 3 is about as fun as getting molested by the TSA. At least they use gloves. I spent the better half of my morning retracing about 3700 steps in Target after I realized Stinker had been dropping my bribe for silence; a 1lb bag worth of dried fruit, {VERY expensive organic high-cost-of-shipping dried fruit} all around Target Hansel and Gretel style. How could I not have noticed you ask? I was consumed between excusing myself after slamming into people’s carts left and right and explaining to Weeman why spitting all over mommy in effort to make the “SP” sound was unnecessary. Ewh was that a chunk of wet pretzel!? The kid is cute, so we had this conversation about 20 times before I realized the travesty of labor that lay ahead of me. I could have totally left the store, but then I would have been that mom. We get in the car an hour an a half later and I announce what fun that was. And we still had 3 stops to make.
    Stink says, “Mommay! Uhhhhmmm. Why don’t we just buy costco?”
    My sentiments exactly.
    And you better believe the fruit returned to the bag with all its’ dustball glory.

  • Oops, I did it again.

    Oops, I did it again.

    the fruit of my labor
     C thought it was Chili. 

    What are those irregularly shaped cutouts you ask?  An act of desperation-you don’t want details. The story behind this? Originally took it out 20 minutes early, didn’t realize it was a FAIL until I cut a piece and the center ran out. So I did some damage control and cut out the “cooked” parts. (to ensure I ate some morsel of this disaster), put it back in the oven, and apparently forgot to hit *enter* on the oven timer. 30-45 minutes later, my trusty oven emitted enough smoke to fill the 1st floor, thus I flew down the stairs on my broom. (not really). I believe the noise made when I bounced the knife off this motherload, was “chink”.
    Because there was no glorious purpose in deciding to bake this, I let lil Stink be my assistant. (by the way 3 year old are even worse direction followers than I previously thought). Which is why each ingredient was either friends with the floor or inappropriately handled with unwashed little boy hands. Yack.

    What toffee bars are supposed to look like:
    Whatever. 
  • FAIL.

    FAIL.

    This is my problem.

    I have negative willpower/ self control. What makes this an even bigger waste is the fact this was supposed to go to our marriage ministry for dessert tomorrow night. Oh that, and the tub WAS FULL OF cookies 5 hours ago. I know, I am a winner. I wish this habit permeated only one area of my life, but as we all know,  I am lame, and this bleeds through to many other places also. Like plucking. You can ask my stepdad, he almost sent me to rehab for over plucking the brows back when crayola brows were in. {1996}.  I promise to do better next time. Maybe.

  • Pitiful.

    Pitiful.

    6 Months ago, Julyish, I had a brilliant idea. Fill up the pots we bought 3 years ago with soil and grow our own herbs. Just like everyone and their preschooler. Seriously-everybody can do this. Except me. I am apparantly incapable of figuring out what kind of magical potions to put in these plants to make them GROW. Lame. Anyway, 5 plants later here is our creepy sole survivor. This little remnant has not grown or died in 6-7 months.  The others: Basil, parsley, basil #2, and Tomato #1 & #2 have politely declined to bear me fruit and thus ended up in a pretty green trash can. ARE YOU LISTENING ROSEMARY?