It hit me. May is not my favorite month. In fact, this month gives me the burn/ itch. May holds too many expectations, failed, yet to be fulfilled, and impossible to appropriately meet. 2 of my best friends birthday’s fall in this month. 2 great days to praise God for the gift of their life and the many ways they have made life so much more joyful! Yet they both live far away. Next, we have Mother’s day. We unargueably have the best mothers on the planet. They deserve their own day. But for some reason each year, it always gets sliced weird. They get the mangled crust with a cute homemade gift. Not long enough cards. They deserve the world, and then a week at the spa for all they give to us, all the countless ways they generously love us. Usually the day after or 2, is our Anniversary. May 13. Poor wedding planning on our part. We then have our baby Christian’s Birthday. May 14. A day that brought so much hope last year. Our baby would be one. It would be a bold lie to say anything other than I would give anything to ambien my way through the pain, and sadness this month holds. Celebrating seems so off color. Pressing on in my own strength would be a joke, so God has graciously gifted our family with mothers, fathers, family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, pastors, nurses, doctors, teachers to spur us/ me on. To encourage us, and to show us He is here. He is meeting each need before we even have the chance to panic or plan for a solution. He is hearing my heart be poured out before Him and showing me moment by moment how He is going to carry me/ us through. In the times where the suffering is insurmountable-He swiftly gives me the mercy needed to keep breathing. I notice He does this after I see the need. Most of the time, He just gives me what is so unnatural-peace. People I would have never otherwise known, but through His perfect hand, have come alongside me to specifically encourage and fill my heart with His promises and know exactly what scripture to point me to. Hugs, cards, flowers, meals, prayers. People I would have never had the pleasure of knowing had I not endured previous painful trials. And that is so the nature of our big and unsearchable God. Using brokeness, to heal deeper brokeness, to bring us to an ever full and perfect redemption. God will not let me sit here and declare self pity, up in arms at what seems like injustice. This mother’s day my heart is aligned with His and I declare my allegiance to Christ and His work with the life He has breathed into me. He is changing my heart, sustaining me, and giving me far more than I could have ever known to pray for. He is showing me His glory through this recovery and what-feels-like-a-marathon-life-trial. Today I see my God bigger than ever, and worthy of being trusted. I pray that when you look back and take stock of your life and blessings today, you too will see exactly what God has entrusted you with, and the many mercies He has graciously bestowed upon you.
Last weekend our sweet friends blessed us with a trip to the desert-A much needed break from reality. We truly have the best of the best. We were able to head up on a Thursday and peace out on a Sunday. SO FUN. We had a couple other families to enjoy that cheerful time with. You know how the saying goes, friends that sweat together, stay together. Or something.
Our baby boy is home!!! I feel like we stole him or won the lottery or something. Like somehow it all isn’t quite real yet. Probably because people keep doing ridiculously generous things for us. Somebody pinch me. No, don’t. This is treasured experience, and we want to pour out the gratitude and praise.
Christian James, this is your story.
October 3, 2012 your big brother whispered there was a baby in my tummy non chalantly as he was coloring a picture. Exsqueeze me? Impossible. (where does this come from?? This was never a family discussion.)
October 6, 2012, 3 days after a regularly scheduled appearance failed to show, I decided maybe I should find out if this was in fact true. Big brother was right, miracles do happen. He knew right away you were a boy. Like right away. He was adamant. And so you are.
You kept me sick for the first couple months, but nothing unbearable. Knowing God had given us you out weighed the scary moments. At your 20 week check up they discovered you had SUA single umbilical artery. Makes for smaller babies. God had all the details worked out . You are healthy as far as we know, so that is a miracle in itself.
Doctors decided to induce mama at 34 weeks and change. LONGEST. LABOR. EVER. I
impatiently patiently waited for you while my cervix was lazy at a 4. In the 27th hour, she finally got with the program. I thought with you being so early it a) would not hurt b) you would come flying out. This was not true. It hurt so bad and you were a tight fit buddy.
You were born 5/14/13 @ 3:13 am 5lbs 14 oz 18″ long.
The Nicu team took you right away and kept you for 5 days with some of the nicest nurses ever. Seriously patient.
As for you-you are perfect. You have daddy’s toes. You have your own look. I won’t promise to keep comparing you, but you definitely are the most handsome baby. You are the most loved and touched baby. EVER. You have 3 siblings who love you and wait in line to hold you. Sorry nicu nurses. I do make everyone wash hands 47 times a day.
You smile a lot and have your mamas baby blues. You tire out easily, so breastfeeding is not quite your thing yet. That is ok, I promise to be patient. 4th time around and they aren’t as excited and I am sure the milk comes out like a firehose. Your cries are like a puppy, so sweet and peaceful. You are just this precious end to a really painful year. God has just poured His grace over our little family time and time again. And then again! We are so undeserving, yet deeply thankful. I don’t know much, but I do know this; God wanted you here. That was very clear. He even threw in obstacles to show amidst trials, poor odds, a beat mama, He is charge, and was going to protect you. And He did. He taught mama to “lean not on her OWN understanding, that HE would make my paths straight.” (for the hundreth time) We named you what we did because our hope for you is that you will personify God’s love and you will become a follower of Christ yourself at a very young age. We hope you will know and serve our Savior better than us, sooner than us. You already own our hearts sweet boy. We love you more than you will ever understand, and I am just so overjoyed to be your mom.
It was time class things up a bit, so tonights fine dining experience was Roma al Costco, followed by a shopping trip filling our cart with treasures we didn’t know we needed. We wolfed down pizza and hot dogs and had seconds and thirds with the soda machine. Yah baby. We even got all crazy and I let little stink pour 4 seconds of his own soda concoction. It looked tasty until he added pink lemonade to his mix. yek. He downed it knee deep in pride. It was kind of
Normally I don’t blog about family outings, but this one was actually really fun. I think everyone should have a family costco date night. We only live once, right?
It started off like this: