Ain't No Supermom

Author: Michelle White

  • longest run-on post ever…

    longest run-on post ever…

    Remember all the talk and prayer needed for a functioning shunt? Here’s why we needed that miracle to work:

    Cat scan #9
    see the flat titanium plate on top? Cool beans.
     Cat scan/ MRI #10 (a week later)


    Yep. The little dent/ bump on top was the exit route for the CSF. The black space on top of my brain is fluid smashing my brain. Not like I have that much to work with anyway, but, ya know. I would like to salvage whatever brain power I have.
    Back to why I posted- results!!! You all have so kind to ask. The very expensive nuclear 4 day test I took last week, (I pray we don’t have to pay for), showed the shunt IS working!!! No more leaky-leaky. Thank you praying friends! Wow. Overcome with gratitude. What a perfectly answered prayer. This means I am home for good, Lord willing. The next big hurdle is figuring out what we can do with this remnant:

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  • Home… take #43

    I am HOME! With all your prayers, God’s good hand, and a (partially) functioning brain later, We
    made it. I have a whole lot less hair, a few more scars, and my babies and husband are within arms reach. I made it out protected and on my knees with gratitude for you all. Thank you all for praying without ceasing. Do you know how I know your many prayers went up?  Every so often I am struck with {literally} unbearable pain. It might last one minute, it might last a couple hours, at anytime in between meds….and I feel it. I feel the dark deep. It hurts, and I can’t physically carry the burden, the raging pain. Jesus is quick to remind me He is here, His yoke is light. And I am able to feel and see what truly resting it all on Him is. It doesn’t remove the pain. Or remove the fear in pain, however, the peace that follows these moments of surrender are not of this world. Those prayers….they keep me upright. They keep me smiling and able to love on and cuddle my littles. They are keeping me here. Many of you who read this, I have never met. Please give your babies extra love, encourage one another by continuing to pray for each other, and don’t ever forget the gift we have been given in this set of answered prayers. (more…)

  • Psalm 13

    How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, oh Lord my God. Light up my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death. Lest my enemies say, “I have prevailed over him.” Lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
    But I have rejoiced in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.
    Psalm 13
    This is my heart. David, I get you. You were cowering in fear, in a cave, writing your heart out. I am here in a hospital bed, 6 weeks later, Still broken. Still trusting. If David, a man after God’s heart can cry out these real and true words of anguish, why would I for one second think I would be immune to pain and despair? Why not me? Let’s take it a step further, how about the pain and suffering God set on Jesus’ shoulders? Humbled. And, truthfully, having a hard day. Today is the first day I let out my ugly cry. I am pretty sure I freaked my nurse and surgeon out. They backed out of the room with their ‘think positives’ ‘it will get better’s. I wanted to tell them they could keep their words. I serve a God who is much bigger than their words of (almost) comfort. I am choosing to wait on my God for deliverance. I know His timing is perfect. Thank you Lord for being trustworthy and loving me.
    My update is this: Another mini surgery tomorrow. 5-7 days including recovery. It’s that super painful lumbar drain. (Remember the terrible headaches?) Along with re opening the wound and doing a running, (tighter), stitch. These both require anesthesia. I was going to tell you all the next step, should this not work. But I believe this will work. I believe we should be approaching God’s throne of grace and mercy through prayer with bold expectation. I am asking you all to come along side me and ask, plead, beg God to give us favor and heal me. My babies and husband need me. The truth is; I need them more. Thank you friends for praying.

  • next chapter

    Just a warning, this is a boring post. If you are here for drama, feel free to wander away. I had my 3 doctor appts this last week. And the week before. My Barbara says everything is too soon to tell what the damage is, and she took more stitches out, also the nuerologist says my brain is molasses. I didn’t really need to pay the co-pay to hear this. I KNOW. All meds are the same, he didn’t change anything, for which I am thankful. He was very kind and said if I don’t have a seizure in the next 22 days, (Imightbecountingtheminutes), I can drive! Weeeee! The concern is numb feet. So I will have to figure something out in learning how to put pressure on the pedal, or something like that. The truth is my right foot was numb after the 1st surgery, and I was ok to drive. It’s not like running. Watch out people. 17 months of no driving, and I am ready to giddy-up with my mommy wagon.
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  • Wendy, Revelation, Gifts and Pics

    She was shiny, and totally itchy. She fit the bill in desperate times when I had to dress up pretty. In the right light, she might have not been so noticeable. Unfortunately our relationship never graduated to ‘friend’…she lingered in the almost-friend stage. She hadn’t gotten with the program and weird hairs began going all different directions. It got awkward. Ultimately, the discomfort truthfully rested more in the fact it wasn’t me, or my hair. I kept reminding myself, even when I had locks, they were significantly altered by a little miracle liquid we will call—> bleach.  If I know you, we both know she wasn’t mine. And truthfully, I was exponentially more comfortable wearing the head wrap/ tuban/ scarf. (and I do). Many were kind enough to have smiled and said, “IT looks great!” If  I didn’t know you, it was easier to wear the wig and hide the situation under the elastic. Either way, if I think too long on it, I remember to be thankful I have had this struggle with vanity in the first place.

    Our Pastor referenced a verse in Revelation a couple months ago. We were reminded:

    “Worthy are you, our Lord, our God to receive all glory, honor, and power, for you created all things and by your will they have existed and were created.” Rev. 4:11

    Everything He has created and sustained are His to give….and take away. In this life, we have been given FAR more than we deserve. There have been a few things He has taken away, (as they are HIS), and in the taking away, we have been shown that they are still gifts. I don’t want to make it seem like I am holding onto things so loosely I don’t care if they are taken back…I am appreciating what I have been given understanding who holds the rightful ownership. (more…)